Moe R.

Every year people across the country make unrealistic New Year?s resolutions. We?re no different. So as an ode to failed self betterment we?ve surveyed the members of Team Cool & Tough for New Year?s resolutions they?ve made and failed miserably at maintaining. As always, things get a little weird? New Year?s Resolutions That Never Work Out: * Stop Banging Fatties * Don?t Get So Drunk You Crap Yourself * Only Gamble with Discretionary Income * Don?t Do Any Drugs That Involve a Dealer * Only Masturbate When Aroused, Not Just Bored * Don?t Use Profanity Around Children or Old People * Always Wear a Condom with Strange * Don?t Eat Fast Food Sober * Pay Down Credit Cards * Spend More Time with Family * Be Less Racist * Don?t Get Blacked Out on Work Nights * Hit the Gym at Least Three Times a Week (No Drive-bys) * Stop Convincing Yourself Strippers Really Like You * Get a ?Real? STD Test * Say No to Happy Endings * Be More Professional at Work (i.e. Stop Banging Receptionists) * Date More Cougars From our experience keeping the bar as low as possible is best when making a New Year?s resolution. Funny how often we come to that conclusion.