Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Josh S.

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. 3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. 4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 6. Never answer an anonymous letter. 7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better. 8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 9. Always go to other people?s funerals, or they won?t go to yours. 10. Few women admit their age; few men act it. 11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? 12. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"? 15. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 16. Campers: Nature?s way of feeding mosquitoes. 17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else. 18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't. 20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 21. Nuke the Whales. 22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. 23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. 29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. 30. You can't have everything; where would you put it? 31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association. 36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. 39. DARE to keep cops off donuts. 40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool. 41. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42. Dyslexics of the world, untie! 43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil. 44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere. 45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. 46. Don't steal. The government hates competition. 47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed. 48. National Atheist's Day April 1st. 49. All generalizations are false. 50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some. 53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. 54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. 55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? 56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. 57. I can handle pain until it hurts. 58. No matter where you go, you're there. 59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane. 60. It's been Monday all week. 61. Gravity always gets me down. 62. This statement is false. 63. Eschew obfuscation. 64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them. 65. It's bad luck to be superstitious. 66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember. 67. The word ?gullible? isn?t in the dictionary. 68. Honk if you like peace and quiet. 69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. 70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 73. A day without sunshine is like, night. 74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! 76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! 77. Life is too complicated in the morning. 78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic?ten out of ten die. 79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody. 80. Ask me about my vow of silence. 81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do. 83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. 84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. 85. If at first you don?t succeed, don?t try skydiving. 86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! 88. I intend to live forever. So far so good. 89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk? 90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. 93. I didn?t use to finish sentences, but now I 94. I?ve had amnesia as long as I can remember. 95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut." 97. Evolution: True science fiction. 98. What's another word for Thesaurus? 99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. 100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

funniness: 8.52

rating: PG

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Jeff L.

funniness: 8.02

rating: R

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.63

rating: PG

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.67

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

An 18 year old Italian girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for 2 months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drug store and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant! Shouting, cursing, crying, the mother says, "Who was the pig that did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later, a Ferrari stops in front of their house. A mature and distinguished man with gray hair and impeccably dressed in an Armani suit steps out of the of the Ferrari and enters the house. He sits in the living room with the father, mother, and the girl and tells them: "Good morning; your daughter has informed me of the problem. I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge. I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life. Additionally, if a girl is born, I will bequeath a Ferrari, a beach house, 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa, and a $2,000,000 bank account. If a boy is born, my legacy will be two factories and a $4,000,000 bank account. If twins, they each will receive a factory and $2,000,000. However, if there is a miscarriage, what do you suggest I do?" At this point, the father, who had remained silent, places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him, "You f*** her again."

funniness: 9.22

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.67

rating: G

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Moe R.

Single vs. Engaged vs. MARRIED!! Sipping her drink, the single girl leered and said, "Last Friday at the end of the work day I went to my boyfriend's office wearing a leather coat. When all the other people had left, I slipped out of it and all I had on was a leather bodice, black stockings and stiletto heels. He was so aroused that we made passionate love on his desk right then and there!" The engaged woman giggled and said, "That's pretty much my story! When my fiance got home last Friday, he found me waiting for him in a black mask, leather bodice, black hose and stiletto pumps. He was so turned on that we not only had sex all night, he wants to move up our wedding date!" The married woman put her glass down and said, "I did a lot of planning. I made arrangements for the kids to stay over at Grandma's. I took a long scented-oil bath and then put on my best perfume. I slipped into a tight leather bodice, a black garter belt, black stockings and six-inch stilettos. I finished it off with a black mask. When my husband got home from work, he grabbed a beer and the remote, sat down and yelled, 'Hey, Batman, what's for dinner?

funniness: 9.18

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.83

rating: PG-13

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Daniel H.

if you dont ave a bonar then your gay

funniness: 8.54

rating: R

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Genny J.

The government todat announced that it is changing it's natoinal symbol to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the government's political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, and gives you a sense of security while you are actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesn't get more accurate than that!

funniness: 8.40

rating: PG

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