Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Crysta R.

I get so sick of those telephone people calling all the time. "Yes this is Associates Credit and we want ..." Well, here is an effective way to get them to quit calling. Caller: Hello this is (company or item being sold) and we would like to speak to (whoever). Are they available? Me: Yeah. (Long silence) You wanna talk to em? Caller: Um, Yes please. Thank you. Me: Well, I'm not gonna give them the phone. (I was about 13 when I tried this) Caller: Little girl, let me speak with you mother or ... Me: Or what? Caller: I just ..." Me: hang on please ... Caller: (mumbling) finally ... I hate kids ... Me: (leaves phone unattended for ten minutes, picks up phone and to my surprise she is still there, disguise my voice) Hello, this is (whoever), may I help you? Caller: Yes, I am from - Me: Hold please Caller: (sigh) Me: (no longer disguising my voice but faking crying ten minutes later) I have no friends ... it would be nice to have a friend, seeing how persistent you are, maybe you would like to be my friend?? Caller: (exasperated) LET ME SPEAK WITH YOUR MOTHER!! Me: UGH ok! Caller: Jeez ... Me: (leaves phone unattended for ten more minutes, disguises voice) Hello I'm back, I was in the bathroom. I have had this terrible pain in my stomach and it makes me - Caller: MA'AM!! Hello, I am from (company) and I was - Me: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Caller: Ma'am?? Ma'am is everything alright???? Ma'am!! Me: Sorry, I saw what I thought was a bug. It was an old raisin. Do you like raisins? I like em, they do give me gas sometimes and - Caller: Mrs. (whoever) I am from (company) and I was wondering - Me: Why did you interrupt me? That was rude. I was just going to tell you that raisins get stuck in my teeth sometimes and my husband gets dia - Caller: Ma'am I really am not interested in what happens when you eat raisins and - Me: I am really not interested in whatever you want to sell me ... (no longer disguising my voice) Caller: YOU! Please, I am begging you let me talk to your mother ... Me: Oh ... She is not here. But, I still have no friends and ...:) Caller: OGHUGHG!! (hangs up LOUDLY) The funniest part of the story is my mother was sitting next to me the whole time holding another phone, listening to the whole thing .....

funniness: 8.22

rating: G

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Despina V.

*If you shout for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you can produce enough sound energy to warm a cup of coffee.(I don't think it's worth it...) *If you fart constantly for 6 years and 9 months you can produce enough gas to create an atomic bomb.(Now we're talking!) *A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes!!(In my next life I wanna be a pig!!! But how did they find this out and why did they investigate?) *When banging your head on a wall,you burn 150 calories per hour. (Don't try this at home...at work maybe? In the mean time I still don't believe the pig-thing!!) *Humans and dolphins are the only creatures that have sex not only to reproduce but also for pleasure. (So that's why Flipper was always smiling...And pigs experience 30-min orgasms? That doesn't seem fair!) *The strongest muscle in your body is actually your tongue! (Mmmmmm...) *Right-handed people live on average 9 years longer than left-handed.(If someone uses both hands he can split the difference??) *An ant can lift 50 times its weight, pull 30 times its weight and when it gets drunk it always falls over on its right side.(How can an ant get drunk?? It drinks beer?? Did ratepayers actually pay for this research? I want someone to give me a reliable answer!) *Polar bears are left-handed.(And who cares??! How did they find that out? They asked them to sign somewhere?) *The cat-fish has over 27,000 taste buds.(Now, just what can be that delicious in the bottom of the lake...who knows!) *Fleas can jump 350 times their bodies' length. It's the eqivalent to a human jumping over a football field! (30 minutes orgasm...Can you imagine?? And why only pigs?) *A cockroach can live for 9 days after its head is cut off!(That's just scary!) *The male mantis cannot come while his head is attached to his body. So,the female "helps" him in the "right moment" by chopping off his head!!(At least pigs are having a better time!) *Elephants cannot jump. (Thank God!!Imagine the results if that was possible!) *Some lions can mate up to 50 times a day! (But I still wanna be a pig in my next life...I prefer quality to quantity!) *Butterflies smell with their feet!(wow...very fetishist) *An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain! (Yeah..I got some friends with the same problem...) *Goldfish don't have brains! (I've got some friends with that problem too...) Well, after these researches I can only declare one thing: LUCKY PIGS!!

funniness: 8.53

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

HUMOUR FOR LEXOPHILES (LOVERS OF WORDS): I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me. Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest. Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now. The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. The butcher backed up into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work. To write with a broken pencil is pointless. When fish are in schools they sometimes take debate The short fortune teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months. A thief fell and broke his leg in wet cement. He became a hardened criminal. Thieves who steal corn from a garden could be charged with stalking. We'll never run out of math teachers because they always multiply. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground. The dead batteries were given out free of charge. If you take a laptop computer for a run you could jog your memory. A dentist and a manicurist fought tooth and nail. A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired. A will is a dead giveaway. A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion. If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed. Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner. When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds. The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine was fully recovered. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it. Local Area Network in Australia: The LAN down under. He broke into song because he couldn't find the key. A calendar's days are numbered. A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine. A boiled egg is hard to beat. He had a photographic memory which was never developed. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end. If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine When she saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she'd dye Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis. Santa's helpers are subordinate clauses. Acupuncture: a jab well done.

funniness: 8.49

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.13

rating: G

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Moe R.

I'll give you a ride but there is only one place to sit...

funniness: 8.38

rating: PG

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Moe R.

A man was laying in bed with his new girlfriend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just stroking his penis, something she seemed to love to do. Enjoying it, he turned and asked her, 'Why do you love doing that?' She replied, 'Because I really miss mine.'

funniness: 8.71

rating: R

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Deema G.

funniness: 9.74

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.21

rating: R

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pvlk k.

must be the bad side of town

funniness: 9.73

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.22

rating: PG

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