Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Brenda W.

Who is Jack Schitt? The Lineage Revealed. Many people are at a loss for a response when someone says, "You don't know Jack Schitt". Now, You can handle the situation. Jack is the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Knee-deep Schitt, Inc. In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious couple produced 6 children: Holie Schitt, The twins; Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school dropout. After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe divorced. Noe later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. She was known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a cowardly son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout childhood and consequently, married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg, Byrd and Horse. Bull Schitt the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt. Now, when someone say's you don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.

funniness: 8.48

rating: PG

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Ashley G.

The couple visited a sex clinic to complain that their sex life had become a bore. Each night, the man would arrive home. His wife would prepare supper. After supper, they'd watch two hours of television. Immediately afterwards, they would go to bed. From that point on, every move was routine. "No wonder," the sex therapist said. "You've made sex monotonous. Stop living on a schedule. Get into sex whenever you feel like it. Don't wait until bedtime each night to do it. Do it whenever you get into the mood." The couple agreed to try the advice. They returned the following week. "How did things work out?" the sex therapist asked. The man and his wife were beaming. "It worked! It worked great!!!" "Tell me about it," said the therapist. "Well, two nights after we saw you last, we were eating supper when I noticed that although it was only seven o'clock, I had this huge erection that was unstoppable. Sweetie pie here was staring at it with longing eyes. So I didn't wait for any shower or any news broadcast. Instead, I reached out, ripped off her blouse and bra. Then I tore off her panties. I flung her right onto the table, spilling all the wine and soup in the process. Then I unzipped and we had sex like we've never had it before!!" "That's wonderful!!" said the sex therapist. "I told you it would work if you did it when the spirit moved you!" "Only one thing," said the man a little sadly. "They're not ever going to let us go back to that restaurant."

funniness: 8.30

rating: R

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Andy Y.

Sung to the tune of "If you're happy and you know it clap your hands....." If you cannot find Osama, bomb Iraq. If the markets are a drama, bomb Iraq. If the terrorists are frisky, Pakistan is looking shifty, North Korea is too risky, Bomb Iraq. If we have no allies with us, bomb Iraq. If we think someone has dissed us, bomb Iraq. So to hell with the inspections, Let's look tough for the elections, Close your mind and take directions, Bomb Iraq. It's "pre-emptive non-aggression", bomb Iraq. Let's prevent this mass destruction, bomb Iraq. They've got weapons we can't see, And that's good enough for me 'Cos it's all the proof I need Bomb Iraq. If you never were elected, bomb Iraq. If your mood is quite dejected, bomb Iraq. If you think Saddam's gone mad, With the weapons that he had, (And he tried to kill your dad), Bomb Iraq. If your corporate fraud is growin', bomb Iraq. If your ties to it are showin', bomb Iraq. If your politics are sleazy, And hiding that ain't easy, And your manhood's getting queasy, Bomb Iraq. Fall in line and follow orders, bomb Iraq. For our might knows no borders, bomb Iraq. Disagree? We'll call it treason, Let's make war not love this season, Even if we have no reason, Bomb Iraq.

funniness: 8.03

rating: PG

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John G.

The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?" The wife replied, "The damn funeral director would be my first guess."

funniness: 8.46

rating: PG

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Berenice L.

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read: "Dear wife, You must realize that you are 54 years old and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight. - Your Husband" When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows: "Dear Husband. You too are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don't wait up."

funniness: 8.83

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

I was in Wal-Mart the other day and I walked up to a young and lovely woman and said, "I've lost my wife in here somewhere. Can you talk to me a couple of minutes?" The woman looks puzzled. "Why talk to me?", she asks. "Because every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my wife appears out of nowhere."

funniness: 8.61

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.34

rating: G

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Moe R.

What would you do? A man returns home a day early from a business trip. It's after midnight. While en route home he asks the cabby if he would be a witness. The man suspects his wife is having an affair and he wants to catch her in the act. For $100, the cabby agrees. Quietly arriving home, the husband and cabby tip toe into the bedroom. The husband switches on the lights, yanks the blanket back and there is his wife in bed with another man! The husband puts a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouts, 'Don't do it! I lied when I told you I inherited money. HE paid for the Corvette I gave you. HE paid for our new cabin cruiser. HE paid for your season Pittsburgh Steelers tickets. HE paid for our house at the lake. HE paid for our country club membership, and HE even pays the monthly dues!' Shaking his head from side-to-side, the husband lowers the gun. He looks over at the cabby and says, 'What would you do? The cabby replies, 'I'd cover his ass with that blanket before he catches cold.'

funniness: 9.21

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Mike J.

WTF!!!

funniness: 9.75

rating: PG

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