Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Joe N.

>Excerpts from a Dog's Diary >8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! >9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! >9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! >10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! >12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! >1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! >3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite th ing! >5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! >7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! >8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! >11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! >* Excerpts from a Cat's Diary* >Day 983 of my captivity. >My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. >They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed >hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the >rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to >keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of >escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. >Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. >I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly >demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made >condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards! >There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was >placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I >could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my >confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this >means, and how to use it to my advantage. >Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my >tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this > again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. >I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. >The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released and seems >to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird >has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards >regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have >arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. >For now...

funniness: 8.50

rating: G

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Joe N.

A cowboy gets pulled over by a State Trooper for speeding. The trooper started to lecture the cowboy about his speeding, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the cowboy feel uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket. As he was doing that, he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head. The cowboy sez, "Y'all havin' some problem with circle flies?" The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, "Well yeah, if that's what they're called. But I never heard of circle flies." "Well, sir," the cowboy replies, "Circle flies hang around ranches. They're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse." The trooper says, "Oh," and goes back to writing the ticket. But, a moment later he stops and says, "Are you callin' me a horse's ass?" No, sir," the cowboy replies. "I have too much respect for law enforcement to call y'all a horse's ass." "That's a good thing," the trooper says and goes back to writing the ticket. After a long pause, the cowboy, in his best Texas drawl says, "Hard to fool them flies though."

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG

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zach w.

funniness: 8.61

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

Circular Logic Two men are in court on drug charges. The judge says, ?If, over the weekend, you can persuade enough people to give up drugs, I?ll let you two off.? Back in court on Monday, the judge asks for their results. ?I persuaded 10 people to give up drugs forever,? the first man says. ?That?s great,? the judge replies. ?What did you tell them?? ?I drew two circles; one big, one small. I told them the big circle was their brain before drugs, and the little circle was their brain after drugs.? The other defendant says, ?I got 100 people to give up drugs!? ?One hundred! How?? asks the judge. ?Well, I drew the same two circles. I pointed to the small circle and said, ?This is your asshole before prison?

funniness: 8.65

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

One day in the future, OJ Simpson has a heart-attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. 'I don't know what to do here,' says the devil. 'You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves.' OJ thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and ove r he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. 'No,' OJ said. 'I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long.' The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. 'No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,' commented OJ. The devil opened a third door. Through it, OJ saw Bill Clinton, lying on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best. OJ looked at this in shocked disbelief , and finally said, 'Yeah man, I can handle this.' The devil smiled and said .. (This is priceless)... 'OK, MONICA, YOU'RE FREE TO GO.'

funniness: 9.11

rating: R

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.42

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Paul Z.

funniness: 8.69

rating: PG

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harpreet b.

funniness: 8.33

rating: PG

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