Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

chris m.

I bet I could quit gambling What if there were no hypothetical situations? It?s not my fault I don?t take responsibility for my actions As I said before, I?ll only say this once. This statement is false. Don't you hate rhetorical questions? God, I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW! Sorry, I forgot all about the Amnesia Conference! The creation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance. I can resist everything except temptation. I used to be indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. Never believe generalisations. Avoid alliterations always. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now Thank God I'm an atheist. Just say NO to negativity

funniness: 8.81

rating: G

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Moe R.

Why Men Have Better Friends Women's Friends: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The husband called his wife's ten best friends. None of them had seen her or knew what he was talking about. Men's Friends: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.

funniness: 8.74

rating: G

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Moe R.

The Chicken and the Horse A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse fall's into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's BMW back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a BMW to pick up chicks.

funniness: 8.33

rating: PG

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Kim L.

"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"... In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the following conversation until you are able to understand the term "TENJOOBERRYMUDS". With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in. Now, here goes... The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A today...... Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees." Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service." Room Service: " Rye. Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor sunteen???" Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs." Room Service: "Ow July den?" Guest: ".....What??" Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... pryed, boyud, poochd?" Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry... scrambled, please." Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?" Guest: "Crisp will be fine." Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?" Guest: "What?" Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?" Guest: "I... don't think so." RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???" Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn toes' means." RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we bo dder?" Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying 'toast'... Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine." RoomService: "We bodder?" Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side." RoomService: "Wad?!?" Guest: "I mean butter... just put the butter on the side." RoomService: "Copy?" Guest: "Excuse me?" RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?" Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... and that's everything." RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy ... rye??" Guest: "Whatever you say." RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds." Guest: "You're welcome" Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".....and you do, don't you!

funniness: 8.06

rating: G

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tharki t.

When life throws lemons at you make lemonade out of them, when it throws scraps make a rug!!!

funniness: 8.18

rating: G

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.75

rating: G

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abc d.

funniness: 9.85

rating: PG-13

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Paul Z.

Look at the kitty's face behind them!

funniness: 9.69

rating: PG

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Moe R.

IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!' She is a government employee in Montreal, P.Q. IDIOT SIGHTING: When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'it?s open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that side.' This was at the Ford dealership in Guelph, Ontario

funniness: 9.09

rating: G

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Daniel W.

Not too scared of being shot all of the sudden.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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