Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

D. E.

A thermodynamics professor had written a take home exam for his graduate students. It had one question: "Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof." Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following: First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities. #1 If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose. #2 Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over. So which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Laura Turner during my Freshman year, "That it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and so Hell is exothermic. The student got the only A.

funniness: 8.32

rating: PG

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nathan s.

Can you slam a revolving door? How young can you be, but still die of old age? What would happen if you found a four-leaf-clover under a ladder? Can a cross-eyed teacher control his pupils? Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? If winnie the pooh was civilized enough to keep his honey in jars, why did he eat it off his hands? Surely he had spoons? What happens if you get a paper cut from a Get Well card? Can you read a picture book? Why does it say "shake well" on ketchup bottles, but not ketchup packets? Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? Is eating a mermaid considered cannibalism? Why does it say do not use before work with heavy machinery on the back of childrens tylenol? I mean..really could we save that many people by getting those darn five year-olds with headcolds off those forklifts! If mirrors need light to work, what happens if you put night vision goggles on in the dark and look at a mirror? if you're on an American airline, and you land in Canada and stay on the plane, is the drinking age still 21 or does it change to 19? What happens if every team in the NFL goes 8-8? What shape is the sky? If a Jewish person goes to court and is asked to put their right hand on the Bible, do they use a Torah instead? Why is it written "May contain traces of peanuts or other kind of nuts" on peanut butter jars. Are people stupid enough not to realize it themselves? If you only have one eye...are you blinking or winking? If you have a gun and you ask, "can I ask you a question?" and they say "fire away" should you shoot them? What is a chickpea if it is neither a chick nor a pea? Why is it called the People's Republic Of China when China's not a republic? Why are dandelions considered weeds when daisies are considered flowers? Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? Whenever an adult is kidnapped why isn't it called adultnapped?? Why do blacklights look purple? Did Yankee Doodle name the feather, hat, town, or his pony Macaroni? Why is it that people duck in the rain, do they really think the rain won't hit them? How come the Bible is the most stolen book, and one of the ten comandments is "thou shall not steal"? Why isn't the caps lock capitalized? If there's a hole straight through the earth, from the south pole to the north pole, and you jump through it what would happen? would you keep falling forever, or fall back down when you get to the middle, or is it physically impossible? If someone with a nostril ring takes it out, then blows their nose, do they have to cover that hole as well as their nostril holes so that snot does'nt blow out everywere? Isn't it weird that if you rearange the word "teacher" you get "cheater"? How come whenever you start to sing, you automatically sing in a higher voice than you talk? How come people say they ate the last piece of gum, when they really just chew it? If a pope goes to the bathroom, is it considered holy crap? You know the saying "throw ya hands in the air like ya don't care"? why bother doing that if you dont care? Why is there no pine or apple in pineapple? If "Fantasy Island" really granted wishes, why wasn't Tattoo 6'6" ? Why do water bottles have a "best if used by" date? If you called the police station to talk to an officer and he was not there, would that be considered a cop out? Can bald people get a hair line fracture? Why do they put holes in crackers? How come on TV the bell always rings and then the kids go to class, but in real life you need to be in class before the bell rings? Why can the saying "it's all downhill from here." mean both that it will be easy and that it is going to get worse? If all of ACME's products backfire, why does Wile E. Coyote keep buying them? Why do "cool" and "hot" mean the same thing? If you sneeze and fart at the same time, does a vacuum form in your stomach? Why does triangularly cut bread taste better than square bread? Does a baby feel the umbilical cord being cut off? Is it legal to name your kid "Anonymous"? Why is it that no matter what color of bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? If you have a pet with 2 heads do you have to name both heads? Why can't liquor freeze? If you dig a hole in the south pole are you digging up or down? How come they don't add the time that we are in our mom's to our age? Why do people squint their eyes when they can't see? Wouldn't that just make it less space to see out of? What is a hacky, and why is it in a sack? Who was in the kitchen with Dina? Why do we have to pay a toll on "freeways"? Why do they call them pepperoni if there is no pepper in it? How old does something have to be to become an antique? Can a school teacher give a homeless child homework? Why do they say "an alarm going off," if it is really going on? Do babies produce more spit than adults? How come French fries are not considered a vegetable, they are just deep fried potatoes? Do cows have calf muscles? Why is shampoo clear but conditioner not? If conjoined twins participate in sports, do they count as one or two players? If a singer sings their own song during a karaoke party, is it considered karaoke? Why do mattresses have designs on them when they're always covered with sheets? If you died with braces on would they take them off? If a person suffered from amnesia and then was cured would they remember that they forgot? Can someone have their head in the clouds and be down-to- earth at the same time? Why is Joey short for Joe, when Joey has more letters? If you were a pastor, and you were getting married, would you hire a pastor, or would you do the wedding yourself? Is there a certain temperature at which it stops being qualified as cold? At what temperature does it qualify as hot? Why is most lunchmeat bigger than the bread? Why is it that whenever you sing to the radio, your voice is higher? Even when you have a low voice? How come toy hippos are always blue, or purple, when real hippos are brown? Have ex-punsters been expunged? Have ex-mathematicians become dysfunctional? Have ex-locomotive engineers been derailed? Have ex-civil lawyers been distorted? Have ex-bankers become disinterested? Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs? You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes, why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance? After eating, do amphibians have to wait an hour before getting out of the water? Can fat people go skinny-dipping? You know how most packages say "Open here". What is the protocol if the package says, "Open somewhere else"?

funniness: 8.10

rating: G

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.43

rating: R

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.06

rating: G

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bart30 a.

funniness: 9.03

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.05

rating: PG-13

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Paul Z.

funniness: 8.40

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.55

rating: PG-13

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brian h.

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff, you are so smart." I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.

funniness: 8.97

rating: G

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Moe R.

It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turned in all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the children are restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question." Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln." Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home." Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King." Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go." Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy." Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave." Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of the questions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut!" The teacher turns around: "NOW WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny: "TIGER WOODS. CAN I GO NOW?"

funniness: 9.58

rating: PG-13

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