Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Leslie A.

A guy bought a new Mercedes and was out on highway 2 for a nice evening drive. the top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up. As the needle jumped up to 140Km/h he suddenly saw red and blue flashing lights behind him. "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes, "he thought to himself and opened her up further. the needle hit 150,160... Then the reality of the situation hit him. " what in the world am I doing?" he thought and pulled over. The cop came up to him took his license without a word and examined it and the car." It's been a long day,"said the cop "this is the end of the shift and it's Friday the 13th. I don't feel like doing anymore paper work, so if can give me an excuse for your driving that i haven't heard before, you can go." They guy thinks for a second and says," last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back." Have a nice weekend," said the officer

funniness: 8.83

rating: PG

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.mally-sportsrulle m.

A blonde man showed up at work one day with a black eye. When his co- workers saw him they asked him what had happened. He told them it had happened at church. They didn't believe him, and wanted to know what really happened. So he told them, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was the biggest woman I had ever seen. Her dress was stuck in her butt-crack, so being the gentleman I am, I reached over and pulled it out for her. She did not like that, so she hit me." The guys laughed and ribbed him about it all day. The next week he showed up to work and his face was beaten really badly! Again the guys asked him what had happened and he told them he'd got beaten up at church. Again they didn't believe him, so he explained, "I went to the church. I got on my knees and prayed. When I stood up to sing the hymns, there in front of me was that same big woman with her dress again stuck up her butt-crack." At this point the other men interrupted and said, "Please tell us you didn't pull her dress out of her crack again?" "No, the guy standing beside me did, and I knew she didn't like that, so I shoved it back in."

funniness: 8.53

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.82

rating: PG-13

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Vasiliy O.

Pretty Wicked eh?

funniness: 8.26

rating: G

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pvlk k.

No more worrying there's no service

funniness: 8.00

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.54

rating: PG

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ashley l.

funniness: 9.75

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

And Then The Fight Started My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, 'What's on TV?' I said, 'Dust.' And then the fight started... ---------- My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming Anniversary. She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 In about 3 seconds.' I bought her a scale. And then the fight started... ---------- When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace Expensive... So, I took her to a gas station. And then the fight started... ---------- After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing My curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is Proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten Disability, too.' And then the fight started... ---------- My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school reunion, and I Kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table. My wife asked, 'Do you know her?' 'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend. I understand she took to Drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear she Hasn't been sober since.' 'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think that a person could go on Celebrating that long?' And then the fight started... ---------- I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my Order first. "I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please." He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"" "Nah, she can order for herself." And then the fight started... ---------- A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel Horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a Compliment." The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near perfect.' And then the fight started..... ---------- I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And then the fight started.... ---------- My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big. I told her Not as much as the dress that she had worn yesterday. And then the fight started..... ---------- A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside. The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man 'Holy crap. That must be my husband!' So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped out the window. He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush and to his car as fast as he could go. A few minutes later he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the woman, 'I AM your husband!' The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you running?' And then the fight started..... ---------- Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, Grabbed the dog, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a Torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 10 years replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband Is out fishing in that?' And then the fight started ... ---------- I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet appreciation. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested, "How about the kitchen?" And that's when the fight started.... ---------- My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. I then said, "Is that your final answer?" She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's when the fight started.

funniness: 9.48

rating: PG-13

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Stan S.

funniness: 8.72

rating: PG

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John S.

Two couples were playing poker one evening. Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Bob's wife, Sandra, wasn't wearing any underwear under her dress! Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced. Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bob's wife followed and asked, "Did you see anything that you like under there?" Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, well indeed he did. She said, "Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.' After taking a minute or two to assess the financial and moral costs of this offer, Jim confirms that he is interested. Sandra told him that since her husband Bob worked Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon. When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Bob's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sandra the agreed sum of $500 - they went to the bedroom and closed their transaction, as agreed. Jim quickly dressed and left. As usual, Bob came home from work at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: "Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?" With a lump in her throat Sandra answered "Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon." Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, "And did he give you $500?" Sandra, using her best poker face, replied, "Well, yes, in fact he did give me $500." Bob, with a satisfied look on his face, surprised his wife by saying, "He came by the office this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by our house this afternoon on his way home and pay me back." Now THAT, my friends, is quite a poker player!

funniness: 9.35

rating: PG-13

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