Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Virginia M.

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"

funniness: 8.71

rating: PG

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jenny m.

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult, four-hour, surgical procedure. A young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. "Nurse", he mumbles, from behind the mask. "Are my testicles black?" Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet. He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, are my testicles black?" Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and his testicles in the other. Then, she takes a close look and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir!" The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very closely...... A r e - m y - t e s t s - r e s u l t s - b a c k?"

funniness: 8.75

rating: PG-13

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Naruto U.

While she was "flying" down the road yesterday (10 miles over the limit), a woman passed over a bridge only to find a cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the car, and with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked, "What's your hurry?" To which she replied, "I'm late for work." "Oh yeah," said the cop, "What do you do?" "I'm a rectum stretcher," she responded. The cop stammered, "A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?" "Well," she said, "I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three, then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and then I slowly but surely stretch, until it's about 6 feet wide." "And just what the hell do you do with a 6 foot asshole?" he asked. "You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge..." Traffic Ticket: $95.00 Court Costs: $45.00 The Look on Cop's Face: PRICELESS!!!!

funniness: 8.97

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.65

rating: PG

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ashley l.

funniness: 9.42

rating: G

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nick f.

funniness: 9.08

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.03

rating: PG-13

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Stan S.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.38

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

A preacher was explaining why he must move on to a larger congregation that will pay him more. There was a hush within the congregation because no one wanted him to leave. Joe Smith, who owns several car dealerships in the city stands up and proclaims, "If the preacher stays, I will provide him with a new Cadillac every year, and his wife with a Honda mini-van to transport their children!" The congregation sighs in relief, and applauds. Sam Brown, a successful entrepreneur and investor, stands and says, "If the preacher will stay on here, I'll personally double his salary, and also establish a foundation to guarantee the college education of all his children!" More sighs and loud applause. Sadie Jones, age 88, stands and announces with a smile, "If the preacher stays, I will give him sex!" There is total silence. The preacher, blushing, asks her, "Mrs. Jones, whatever possessed you to say that?" Sadie's 90 year old husband Jake is now trying to hide, holding his forehead with the palm of his hand, and shaking his head from side to side, while his wife replies, "Well, I just asked my husband how we could help, and he said, 'Screw him'"!

funniness: 9.18

rating: PG-13

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