Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

eric h.

The was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was doing pretty well but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons. . . After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up a sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids showed up and they saw his sign: "Warning, one of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide." Well the kids were bright and not about to risk another watermelon. They ran off, made up their own sign and posted it next to the sign that the farmer made. The next day the farmer showed up to look over the field and he noticed to his delight that no watermelons are missing. He was perplexed, however, by a sign next to his. He drove his tractor up to the sign which read: "Now there are two!"

funniness: 8.19

rating: PG

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jenny m.

A redneck family from the hills of West Virginia was visiting the city. They were in a mall for the first time in their lives. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. They boy asked, ?Paw, what?s at?? The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, ?Son, I dunno, I ain?t never seen anything like that in my entire life, I got no idea what it is.? While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number. After the numbers began to light in the reverse order, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous voluptuous 24 year-old blond woman stepped out. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son ?Boy.........go git cha momma?

funniness: 8.33

rating: PG

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Moe R.

Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions. Q. Do female frogs croak? A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough. Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be? A. Charley Weaver (aka Clifford Arquette ): Three days of steady drinking should do it. Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years. A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes. Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman? A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake. Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married? A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning. Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older? A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency. Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say "I Love You"? A Vincent Price : No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty. Q. What are "Do It," "I Can Help," and "I Can't Get Enough"? A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment. Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking? A. Rose Marie : You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget. Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather? A. Paul Lynde : Because chiffon wrinkles too easily. Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year? A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries. Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score? A Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy. Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other? A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures. Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet? A. Rose Marie : Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom. Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls? A. Marty Allen : Only after lights out. Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do? A. Paul Lynde : Make him bark? Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to? A. Paul Lynde : Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark. Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people? A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it? A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected. Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do? A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth. Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant? A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant? Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex? A. Charley Weaver : I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him. Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions What are they? A. Charley Weaver: His feet. Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed? A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh. FUNNY, NOT FILTHY !!!!!!!

funniness: 8.80

rating: G

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A R.

funniness: 10.00

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.38

rating: R

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Joe F.

funniness: 9.67

rating: R

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Moe R.

Twin sisters in St. Luke's Nursing Home were turning one hundred years old. The editor of the local newspaper told a photographer to get over there and take pictures of the two 100 year old twins. One of the twins was hard of hearing and the other could hear quite well. Once the photographer arrived he asked the sisters to sit on the sofa. The deaf sister said to her twin, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "WE GOTTA SIT OVER THERE ON THE SOFA!", said the other. "Now get a little closer together," said the cameraman. Again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS SQUEEZE TOGETHER A LITTLE." So they wiggled up close to each other. "Just hold on for a bit longer, I've got to focus a little," said the photographer. Yet again, "WHAT DID HE SAY?" "HE SAYS HE'S GONNA FOCUS!" With a big grin the deaf twin shouted out, "OH MY - BOTH OF US?"

funniness: 9.30

rating: PG-13

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Mike J.

Hope he is de-clawed

funniness: 8.33

rating: PG-13

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Matt L.

funniness: 9.16

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.85

rating: PG-13

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