Mark G.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time Yesterday it worked, today it doesnt. Microsoft Windows is like that. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness! A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey People are not lazy, they're just happy doing nothing. Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible? Working is for people who don't know how to fish. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Avoid hangovers by staying drunk. Excerceise and Diet... But you still Die. Be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home. Save water, Drink beer. War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen The higher you are, the farther you fall Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems! Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Always tell the truth, even when you lie Facts: Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk does? Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone I Don't Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal! Save a tree, eat a beaver Politicians prefer unarmed peasants I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt! What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me! Trying is the first step towards failure If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws Statistics are used by people who have no proof Divorce: from the Latin word meaning "to rip a man's heart out through his wallet You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it! I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose? Gravity always wins A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind School is hell with flourescent lights The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense Time is what keeps things from happening all at once Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition What happens if you get scared half to death...twice? Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too.. Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm? You can better lose a lover than love a loser Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop I like to con and insult people, that's why I chose to become a Consultant Mental Health is overrated Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes You can trust the government, just ask the Indians People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do The rich get richer and the poor get children Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember

funniness: 8.59

rating: PG