Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

LAURA G.

An airline's passenger cabin was being served by an obviously gay flight attendant, who seemed to put everyone in a good mood as he served them food and drinks. As the plane prepared to descend, he came Swishing down the aisle and announced to the passengers, "Captain Marvey has asked me to announce that he'll be landing the big scary plane shortly, so lovely people, if you could just put your trays up, that would be super." On his trip back up the aisle, he noticed a well-dressed rather exotic looking woman hadn't moved a muscle. "Perhaps you didn't hear me over those big brute engines. I asked you to raise your trazy-poo, so the main man can pitty-pat us on the ground." She calmly turned her head and said, "In my country, I am called a Princess. I take orders from no one." To which the flight attendant replied, without missing a beat, "Well sweet-cheeks, in my country I'm called a Queen, so I outrank you. Tray-up, Bitch."

funniness: 8.52

rating: PG

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Moe R.

This is a copy of a letter sent to American company Proctor and Gamble with reference to their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph? Dear Mr. Thatcher, I have been a loyal user of your ?Always? maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I?d probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I?d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favourite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can?t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there?s a little F-16 in my pants. Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from ?the curse?? I?m guessing you haven?t. Well, my ?time of the month? is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I?ll be transformed into what my husband likes to call ?an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.? Isn?t the human body amazing? As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you?ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers? monthly visits from ?Aunt Flo?. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behaviour. You surely realize it?s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend?s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey?s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants? Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: ?Have a Happy Period.? Are you fucking kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you?re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything ?happy? about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don?t march down to the local Walgreen?s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn?t it make more sense to say something that?s actually pertinent, like ?Put down the Hammer? or ?Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong?, or are you just picking on us? Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull shit. And that?s a promise I will keep. Always. Best, Wendi Aarons Austin, TX

funniness: 8.55

rating: PG-13

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daniel f.

When girls don't put out!! This was written by a guy ... it's pretty damn smart. I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, 'I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me.' I said, 'WHAT??!! What was that?!' So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... 'You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.' She responded to my puzzled look by saying, 'Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?' Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, 'Lets get a pair for each outfit.' We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, 'That's fine, honey.' She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, 'I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier.' I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, 'No honey, I don't feel like it.' Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, 'WHAT?' I then said, 'Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.' And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, 'Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?' Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

funniness: 9.27

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

(For those of you who may not be aware of John Hinkley, here's a little history. John Hinckley was a seriously deranged young man who was absolutely obsessed with movie star Jodie Foster. To make himself known to her, he attempted to assassinate President Reagan. The staff at the mental facility treating John Hinkley reports intercepting the following letter from Hillary Clinton.) To: John Hinkley From: Hillary Clinton Dear John Hinkley: Bill and I wanted to drop you a short note to tell you how pleased we are with the great strides you are making in your recovery. In our country's new spirit of understanding and forgiveness, we want you to know there is a bilateral consensus of compassion and forgiveness abroad throughout the land. Bill and I want you to know that no grudge is borne against you for shooting Ronald Reagan. We, above all, are aware of how the mental stress and pain could have driven you to such an act of desperation. Bill and I are confident that you will soon make a complete recovery and return to your family to join the world again as a healthy and productive man. Best wishes, Hillary Clinton PS: Barack Obama is screwing Jodie Foster.

funniness: 8.15

rating: PG-13

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.89

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.55

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.75

rating: PG-13

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Julie J.

funniness: 8.91

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.30

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.54

rating: G

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