Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Josh S.

1. Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 2. Borrow money from a pessimist -- they don't expect it back. 3. Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. 4. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 5. I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian. 6. Never answer an anonymous letter. 7. It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better. 8. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 9. Always go to other people?s funerals, or they won?t go to yours. 10. Few women admit their age; few men act it. 11. If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat? 12. No one is listening until you make a mistake. 13. Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 14. We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"? 15. He who laughs last thinks slowest. 16. Campers: Nature?s way of feeding mosquitoes. 17. Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else. 18. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 19. There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't. 20. Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 21. Nuke the Whales. 22. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. 23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 24. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes. 25. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 26. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 27. Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 28. Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep. 29. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. 30. You can't have everything; where would you put it? 31. I took an IQ test and the results were negative. 32. Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 33. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 34. Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 35. DNA: National Dyslexic Association. 36. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 37. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 38. Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. 39. DARE to keep cops off donuts. 40. Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool. 41. On the other hand, you have different fingers. 42. Dyslexics of the world, untie! 43. God made mankind. Sin made him evil. 44. I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere. 45. I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. 46. Don't steal. The government hates competition. 47. Humpty Dumpty was pushed. 48. National Atheist's Day April 1st. 49. All generalizations are false. 50. The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 51. Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 52. If you don't like the news, go out and make some. 53. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism. 54. IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. 55. I'm out of bed and dressed. What more do you want? 56. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not too sure. 57. I can handle pain until it hurts. 58. No matter where you go, you're there. 59. If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane. 60. It's been Monday all week. 61. Gravity always gets me down. 62. This statement is false. 63. Eschew obfuscation. 64. They told me I was gullible...and I believed them. 65. It's bad luck to be superstitious. 66. According to my best recollection, I don't remember. 67. The word ?gullible? isn?t in the dictionary. 68. Honk if you like peace and quiet. 69. The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. 70. Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 71. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 72. Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 73. A day without sunshine is like, night. 74. The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 75. Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! 76. Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! 77. Life is too complicated in the morning. 78. We are all part of the ultimate statistic?ten out of ten die. 79. Nobody's perfect. I'm a Nobody. 80. Ask me about my vow of silence. 81. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 82. The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do. 83. Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. 84. If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. 85. If at first you don?t succeed, don?t try skydiving. 86. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 87. Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! 88. I intend to live forever. So far so good. 89. Who is "General Failure" and why is he reading my hard disk? 90. What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 91. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 92. Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. 93. I didn?t use to finish sentences, but now I 94. I?ve had amnesia as long as I can remember. 95. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 96. Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut." 97. Evolution: True science fiction. 98. What's another word for Thesaurus? 99. Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. 100. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries. 101. I went to the fights, and a hockey game broke out.

funniness: 8.52

rating: PG

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Courtney Y.

One day in a college ornithology class, the professor was giving a test on which the students had to identify what species the bird was just by looking at it's foot. Marc was extremely fustrated because that was not what he had spent hours and hours studying for the night before and he didn't even have guesses as to what the answers could be. So he stood up, ripped up his test and yelled I QUIT! The professor said, "what do you think you are doing?" and Marc said, "this test is ridiculous, i am leaving!" "What is your name?" asked the professor. And without missing a beat, Marc put his foot up on the professor's desk, rolled his pant leg up and said to him, "YOU TELL ME!"

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG

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Moe R.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In the days of the old Wild West, there was a young cowboy who wanted more than anything to be the greatest gunfighter in the world. He practiced every minute of his spare time, but he knew that he wasn't yet first-rate and that there must be something he was doing wrong. Sitting in the saloon one Saturday night, he recognized an elderly man seated at the bar that, in his day, had the reputation of being the fastest gun in the West. The young cowboy took the seat next to the old guy. "Do you think you could give me some tips?" he asked. The old man looked him up and down and said, "Well, fer one thing, yer wearing your gun too high. Tie the holster a lil' lower down on your leg." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "Sure will," said the old-timer. The young man did as he was told, stood up, whipped out his .44 and shot The bow tie off the piano player. "That's terrific!" he yelled, "Got any More tips for me?" "Yep," said the old man, "Cut a notch out of your holster where the hammer hits it. That'll give you a smoother draw." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the younger man. "You bet it will," said the old-timer. The young man took out his knife, cut the notch, stood up, drew his gun in a blur, and shot a cuff link off the piano player. "Wow!" said the cowboy, "I'm learnin' somethin' here. Got any more tips?" The old man pointed to a large can in a corner of the saloon. "See that A xle grease over there? Coat your gun with it." The young man went over to the can and smeared some of the grease on the barrel of his gun. "No," said the old-timer, "I mean smear it all over the gun, grip and all." "Will that make me a better gunfighter?" asked the young man. "No," said the old timer, "but when Wyatt Earp finishes playin' the piano, he's going to shove that gun up your ass, and it won't hurt as much."

funniness: 8.77

rating: PG-13

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Eddy B.

Look closely at the animal...

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Pee Humor ..

funniness: 8.83

rating: PG

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Eric P.

funniness: 9.15

rating:

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ashley l.

funniness: 9.99

rating: PG

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Moe R.

In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman?s genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) *~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick??) *~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than ?going blind!?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let?s just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband?s illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) *~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~* In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time ( I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Maryland, it is ill egal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only ?in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.? (Is this a great country or what? Well . . . not as great as Guam!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. (Who volunteers for this stuff?!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure. (Is that why Flipper was always smiling?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of .. ?) (Did the government pay for this research??) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Butterflies taste with their feet. (Ah, geez.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ An ostrich?s eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Starfish don?t have brains. (I know some people like that, too.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* And, the best for last: Turtles can breathe through their butts. (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

funniness: 9.26

rating: PG-13

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Adela X.

A note my daughter's preschool teacher passed around this morning to the parents. I should home school her from now on.

funniness: 8.11

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 10.00

rating: R

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