Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Mark G.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time Yesterday it worked, today it doesnt. Microsoft Windows is like that. Reality is the only obstacle to happiness! A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey People are not lazy, they're just happy doing nothing. Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible? Working is for people who don't know how to fish. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder. Avoid hangovers by staying drunk. Excerceise and Diet... But you still Die. Be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home. Save water, Drink beer. War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool. I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen The higher you are, the farther you fall Alcohol, the cause and solution to all of life's problems! Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Always tell the truth, even when you lie Facts: Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products. If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them? Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk does? Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone I Don't Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal! Save a tree, eat a beaver Politicians prefer unarmed peasants I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt! What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me! Trying is the first step towards failure If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws Statistics are used by people who have no proof Divorce: from the Latin word meaning "to rip a man's heart out through his wallet You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it! I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose? Gravity always wins A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind School is hell with flourescent lights The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense Time is what keeps things from happening all at once Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition What happens if you get scared half to death...twice? Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too.. Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm? You can better lose a lover than love a loser Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop I like to con and insult people, that's why I chose to become a Consultant Mental Health is overrated Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes You can trust the government, just ask the Indians People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do The rich get richer and the poor get children Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember

funniness: 8.59

rating: PG

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Moe R.

WHY AM I MARRIED? You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead. At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, 'Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?' 'Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.' A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: 'Husband Wanted'. Next day she received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: 'You can have mine.' When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let her keep him. A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished . A little boy asked his father, 'Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?' Father replied, 'I don't know son, I'm still paying.' A young son asked, 'Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?' Dad replied, 'That happens in every country, son.' Then there was a woman who said, 'I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then, it was too late.' Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go t! hrough l ife thinking they had no faults at all. First guy says, 'My wife's an angel!' Second guy remarks, 'You're lucky, mine's still alive.' ' A Woman's Prayer: Dear Lord, I pray for: Wisdom, To understand a man , to Love and to forgive him , and for patience, For his moods. Because Lord, if I pray for Strength I'll just beat him to death ' AND NOW FOR THE FAVORITE!!! Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus. So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, 'Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy.' The blind man replies, 'If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus ... so shut the hell up

funniness: 8.70

rating: PG-13

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pvlk k.

funniness: 8.17

rating: G

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ashley l.

funniness: 8.63

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.11

rating: PG-13

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Kelly H.

Three men are on a trip to Saudi Arabia. On their way they stumble into a tent filled with 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with the women, when suddenly, the master of the women came in. "I am the master of all these women. You three shall pay for what you have done. You will be punished in a way corresponding to you jobs." He turns to the first man and asks what he does for a living. The man tells him, "I'm a cop." "Then we will shoot your penis off." He turns to the next man and asks him the same question. He tells the sheik that he is a fireman, and they burn his penis off. Finally, the sheik looks at the last man and says, "And you?" The man looks at him with a sly grin and tells the sheik, "I'm a lollypop salesman."

funniness: 8.61

rating: R

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lochard d.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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abc d.

Ahhh...nothing like team work.

funniness: 8.80

rating: G

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Moe R.

After 30 years of marriage Jacqueline and her husband Mark went for counseling. When asked to describe her problems, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 30 years they had been together. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, her husband's obsession with golf and an entire laundry list of unfulfilled needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time, the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking Jacqueline to stand, tore open her blouse with buttons flying everywhere, ripped her Bra off, starts tongue kissing while he embraces her, then puts his hands on her breasts fondled them, and kissed them passionately. A side glance at her husband he then puts his hand up her skirt rips her G-String off and fondles her wildly while her husband Mark watched with a raised eyebrows and mouth wide open. Jacqueline flushed, tries to cover herself with the torn blouse, and quietly sat down as though in a total daze. The therapist turned to Mark and said, now do you understand? 'This is what your wife needs at least three times a week! Can you do this?' Mark thought for a moment and replied, 'Well, I can drop her off here on Mondays and Wednesdays, but on Fridays, I play golf.'

funniness: 8.25

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

Perfect Eyesight Arthur is 90 years old. He's played golf every day since his retirement 25 years ago. One day he arrives home looking downcast. "That's it," he tells his wife. "I'm giving up golf. My eyesight has become so bad that once I hit the ball I couldn't see where it went." His wife sympathises and makes him a cup of tea. As they sit down she says, "Why don't you take my brother with you and give it one more try." "That's no good" sighs Arthur, "your brother's a hundred and three. He can't help." "He may be a hundred and three", says the wife, "but his eyesight is perfect." So the next day Arthur heads off to the golf course with his brother-in-law. He tees up, takes a mighty swing and squints down the fairway. He turns to the brother-in-law and says, "Did you see the ball?" "Of course I did!" replied the brother-in-law. "I have perfect eyesight". "Where did it go?" says Arthur. "I don't remember."

funniness: 8.30

rating: G

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