Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Joe N.

1. Express yourself. It makes us proud, even if someone thinks you're wrong. 2. You look hot in running shoes and shorts. And that top thingy with the stripes. 3. Bare, tan shoulders are underrated. 4. If you think I?m speeding now, you should see me drive when you're not in the car. 5. If you're truly interested in us, don't play hard to get. 6. Shopping is a chore, not an activity. 7. When I screw up, go ahead and tell me--once. 8. No question need ever be asked through a closed bathroom door if I'm inside. I love you less with each syllable you utter. 9. I'm hot for you, not your sister or your friend or your coworker. 10. My guy friends. Not only are they not negotiable, they?re your best sign that I?m not a whack job. 11. Don't be afraid to ditch the makeup. Natural is sexier. 12. Leave the eyebrows alone. Plucked ain't pretty. 13. You can have sex with us any time you want. Seriously. 14. When the game is on, we will pay attention to you if you're nice about it. Bark, and we shut down. 15. I don't ask for directions because I?m just happy to be driving. Anywhere. 16. Masturbation is merely practice for the big game. Encourage it. 17. We crave hugs and hand-holding too. And no, it doesn't always have to lead to sex. 18. But you can have sex with us any time you want. Did we mention that? 19. There's no better sound in the world than you, having an orgasm. 20. Though the exhaust note of a Porsche Boxster is pretty damn fine, too. 21. I just may lie to make you feel good. Don?t be angry about this. You really weren't looking for the truth anyway. 22. When you get angry over some stupid little pointless thing, I question your intelligence. 23. You?re really bad at faking it. 24. If I offer my help while you're getting ready, it means you?re late. 25. Never ask me to pick out your outfit. (See above.) I will invariably get it wrong and make us even more late. 26. Giving me two or three choices, however, can be fun. Assuming you will change outfits in front of me. Slowly. 27. Err on the side of hot; I love to show you off. 28. Unless we're meeting my parents. 29. When you call us at work "just to chat," we're not really listening; we're checking our e-mail. 30. Spring means baseball and skirts. Doesn't need to be a mini-skirt; it's been a long winter. 31. Chicks who drink beer are hot. Better yet: chicks who drink beer and watch the game. Better still: chicks who buy us a beer during the game. 32. We don't mind being told we look good. Just don't call it a "cute outfit." 33. We love ponytails. 34. Being good in bed means a) enthusiasm; b) a sense of humor; and sometimes c) patience. 35. The first time? We're as nervous as you are. 36. A random unexpected grope is always welcome, even in public. Especially in public. 37. Make us laugh and we'll want to hang around. 38. Yes, I laugh really loud around the guys. And I always will, so deal. 39. Sure, men stereotypically like to solve a woman's problems. But a woman who solves her own while we watch? Instant erection. 40. You can pick the movie, but have a reason. 41. Do not expect to have a conversation via text message unless you use the words "naked" and "waiting." 42. Sometimes we wonder why any woman would want to be with us, much less someone as amazing as you. So, thanks. 43. Anytime you cook for us, we're happy. 44. If you can hit a golf ball 150 yards, we just might fall in love. 45. No, I don't remember what he said next. Or she. Or anybody, for that matter. I'm a guy, not a tape recorder. 46. We love you even more because you know we need to go out with the guys once in a while. 47. And we love it when you hang with us guys, too. 48. We have a keen sense of imminent danger. It sounds like, "Do you think she's pretty?" 49. Don't rely on us for keeping you up on the news. 50. Never say, "I know you better than you know yourself." Nobody does.

funniness: 9.02

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

PETER KAY ONE LINERS I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?' When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.. PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. You never know where to look when eating a banana. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? Is French kissing in France just called kissing? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? What do people in China call their good quality plates? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? What do you call male ballerinas? Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.

funniness: 9.33

rating: PG

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Vasiliy O.

They're bringing in the wrong type of customers I think..

funniness: 8.07

rating: PG-13

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Natalie C.

funniness: 8.05

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.13

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.42

rating: PG-13

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pvlk k.

funniness: 9.28

rating: PG

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Eric P.

funniness: 8.27

rating:

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.35

rating: PG-13

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Matt L.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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