Peter B.

Bad Punchlines~ ?No, no, no!? said the penguin, ?I suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder!? ?Surprise! Surprise! That?s not my ear canal either!? Oh no! The leak is coming from the Global Positioning Satellite System again! ?Mommy Mommy,? Little Johnny replied, ?is that why the souffle is burnt?? ?Tokyo?? Said the nun, ?You fool, I said take the hoe!? And then my dad farted and it smelled and I said to my father you farted and it smelled. And slowly, the sheep turned to each other and glared silently. ?Whew!? said the blonde, ?I thought you meant the vacuum-insulated sealable container with the heat reflective inner surface!? ?No wait, you don?t understand,? said the fat man, ?Pop Tarts are a substitute for my mother?s love!? As they opened the door they realized they were terribly mistaken. The dog was only taking a nap. ?Yeah,? said the Scottsman, ?but at least I don?t have a scented hand soap named after ME!? As she spoke he whirled the egg beater around and yelled ?EGG BEATER!? ?Isotope?? He replied, ?That?s no isotope!? (children's)Book Titles that never made the sales list 1. Juggling Knives is Easy 2. Where to Find the toys in the Oven 3. Where Mommy & Daddy Hide Neat Things 4. Kick, Scream, and Cry to Get What You Want 5. "Whatcha' Doin'" the Wonderful Phrase 6. 101 Games to Play in the Road 7. The Indoor Pool is a Big Potty and the Divingboard is the Flusher 8. Homemade Fireworks using a Bathtub,a Blowdryer,and a Fork 9. POP, goes the Hamster and other fun Microwave Games 10. Arthur Gets Hunted 11. Clifford and the Big and Yellow Semi 12. Monsters Killed Grandpa 13. The hit sequel to "Elvis is your real dad" Mrs.Clause is your real Mom 14. Chicken Poop for the Kid Soul 15. All Guns Squirt Water 16. When The Garbage Truck Came to Sesame Street 17. How Fun it is to Tie a Squirrel to a Kite 18. You Can Get Sucked Down the Drain 19. How to Make Sushi with Ordinary Goldfish 20. 101 recipies to make with Dog 21. If its Storming out the Best Place to keep shelter is under a tree 22. The New Boy is Bad 23. Your Nightmares are real 24. The Time When Elmer REALLY got Bugs 25. Scooby Doo Gets Rabbis 26. The Lion, the Steak, and the Blender 27. The Little Kitten that was too Curious..... 28. The Boy who was so Stupid that his Dad put him up for Adoption 29. Mickey Mouse and the Mouse Trap 30. Chuck E. Cheese and Cheddar get a Flamethrower 31. Grampa Gets A Casket 32. Dad's New Wife Robert 33. The Magical World Inside The Abandoned Refridgerator Unusable inventions The water-proof towel Solar powered flashlights Submarine screen doors A book on how to read Inflatable dart boards A dictionary glossary Powdered water Pedal powered wheel chairs Water proof tea bags Watermelon seed sorter Reusable ice cubes Skinless bananas Do it yourself roadmap Helicopter ejector seat