Scott G.

A man is walking down the street when he passes by a small bar that he hadn?t noticed before. Figuring that it was a Friday night and that he had nothing better to do, the man steps into the pub and sits at the front counter. While waiting for the barkeep, he can?t help but see the large glass jar which is filled to the brim with $50.00 bills. The barkeep walks up to the man, who then orders a beer. While tending to his drink the man asks the barkeep to explain what the jar was for... The barkeep grins at the man and begins to reply. ?You see, we?ve got a contest of sorts going on. There are three tasks, and the man who completes all three gets the jar and everything that?s in it. To enter you have to pay $50.00 into the pot... but the thing is, you don?t find out what the tasks are until you?ve paid.? The man looks across the counter and guesses that there had to be at least a couple thousand sitting there in that jar... he just couldn?t let an opportunity like this to pass him by... so the man reaches into his back pocket, pulls out his wallet and slaps a $50.00 onto the table in front of him. ?Okay, what do I have to do?? ?First off, you?ve got to chug a pitcher of fire whisky without pulling any faces... After that there?s a pit-bull out back with a sore tooth, you?ve got to do him a favor by pulling the damn thing out... Finally, there?s a 98 year old woman upstairs in one of the bedrooms. This woman has never known the pleasure of mans company, and it?s up to you to show her a good time if you get what I mean...? By this point the man was feeling like an idiot. There was no way he?d ever do any of those things, let alone all of them... In defeat the man orders another beer, trying to console himself over the loss of his $50.00. Two hours and a countless number of drinks later, the man was feeling a lot more confident in his ability to complete the tasks. Besides, he?s already paid his way into the contest... it?d be stupid of him not to try. So the man announces his attention to the rest of the pub (which, by this point, consists only of a few stray patrons...) and has the barkeep bring him the picture of fire whiskey. Amazingly enough, the man somehow manages to down the entire thing. The barkeep, speechless by this point absently waves him over to the door which lead out back. The man staggers his way over to the door before tripping out into the yard, closing the door behind him. Then the noises started... First deep grows and then all out barking. It was at about this point that the man started screaming... but soon enough the barks became whimpers and the screams quieted into groaning. The door flew open and the man stumbles into the room, breathing heavily. His clothing?s torn and bloody and there are scratches and bite marks all over him. The man stands up straight and takes a deep shuddering breath before turning towards the barkeep and demanding ?Okay, now where the fuck is that old hag with the sore tooth?!??

funniness: 6.40

rating: R