Jordan H.

Thank you for calling Santa's workshop. Santa can't come to the phone right now, and the elves are out back barbecuing Blitzen. After the tone, please leave your Christmas list, and maybe we'll get back to you! C' can do it...just a little one. That's the way...just a little beep, just a little one. C'mon...good we this--beeeeep, just a little one, beeeeeeeeeep, c'mon...There you go! Kemosabe no in teepee now. You leave'um message after little smoke signal, and Kemosabe get back for pow-wow real fast. [VOICE 1] Answer the phone, please, Hal. [VOICE 2] I'm sorry, Dave, I can't do that. Thanks for calling Dial-A-Shrink. I can't come to the phone right now, so after the tone, please leave your name and number, then talk briefly about your childhood and tell me what comes to mind when you hear the following words: orange...mother...unicorn. I'll get back to you with my diagnosis as soon as possible. [Sung to the tune of "Ride of the Valkyries"] Leave me a message...leave me a message....etc. Next on Public Radio 91 we'll be hearing music of Antonin Dvorak. This is the Beep Serenade in C-Sharp Minor, Opus 72.... This is a test. This is a test of the Answering Machine Broadcast System. This is only a test. No! NO! Not THAT! Anything but that! Not the beep! No! Please! Not the beep! Anything but the beep! AAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE! This is the National Security Emergency Password Notification Network. To initiate destruct sequence, call the CIA with today's password. Today's password is BABY BOOTIES. Prepare for alpha test of Beep Software revision 1.05. Counting down to test: 5...4...3...2...1... After the tone, leave your name, number, and tell where you left the money. I'll get back to you as soon as it's safe for you to come out of hiding. The President is not in his office at this time. Please leave your name, phone number, the name of the country you wish to invade, and the secret password. Don't you do it! Don't you dare! I don't want to hear it! Don't you beep! If you beep, I'll...don't even think about it!....Don't....! This is the Metropolitan Opera Amateur Audition Hot line. After the tone, sing Vesti la Giubba and La Donna e Mobile.... I can't come to the phone now, so if, well, actually, I CAN come to the phone now, I mean, like, I'm at the phone NOW, recording this message, but I'm doing this NOW, while you're listening to it LATER, except for you I guess it's NOW, like, when you're listening to it...I mean, like, wait, gosh. This is so confusing. How do you leave a message on this thing? I can't understand the instructions. Hello. Testing 1 2 3. I wonder what happens if I touch this...YOW!! This is the Literacy Self Test Hot line. After the tone, leave your name and number and recite a sentence using today's vocabulary word. Today's word is acetylcholinesterase {or clitoris, or scaphoid, or arrhenotky...} [Must have good Australian accent] G'day mate. Can't come to the phone now because I'm a bit tied up with this crocodile. Just leave a message, and I'll get back to you. [Note the spelling in this one!] After the tone, please leave a massage--my shoulders really could use it, and... What? You're only supposed to leave a MESSAGE? Darn.... Bwana fella no home now, so you fella leave talkie-talk. Bwana 'im big fella mek talkie-talk back real fas'. Hello......What's up?........ Cool.........Beep! Answering Machine Message. Take one! [Snap!] Hello. Leave a message! [To the music of "No Doubt" Spider webs] Walking through the spider webs. Leave a message at the tone and I'll call you back! [Computerized voice] Somehow John found out how to program this message. If you want to find out too, leave your name and number and Macintosh will call you back.

funniness: 7.40

rating: G