Matt P.

The following are actual sentences taken from patient's medical charts. And we let these guys operate on us? * Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. * Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. * On the second day, the knee was better, and then on the third day it disappeared. * The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. * The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. * Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission. * Healthy-appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. * The patient refused autopsy. * The patient has no previous history of suicides. * Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. * Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40-pound weight gain in the last three days. * Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. * Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant. * Since she can't get pregnant with her husband, I thought you might want to work her up. * She is numb from her toes down. * While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. * The skin was moist and dry. * Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. * Patient was alert and unresponsive. * She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life until she got a divorce. * Rectal examination revealed a normal-size thyroid. * I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. * Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. * Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus-sized. * The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. * The patient was to have a bowel resection. * However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead. * Skin: somewhat pale but present. * The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. * Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. ____, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree. * Large brown stool ambulating in the hall. * She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was hot in bed last night. * Patient was found in bed with her power mower.

funniness: 7.30

rating: PG