Alan K.

Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers once a month? Because the label says, Good for up to 20 pounds. Why do blondes wear shoulder pads? To protect their skulls as their heads rock left and right. How do you kill a blonde? Put spikes in her shoulder pads. Why do blondes have more fun? Because they don't know any better. What's the difference between a blonde and a computer? You only have to put information into a computer once. How does a blonde do a High-Five? She smacks herself in the forehead. Why do blondes wear their hair up? To try and catch everything that's over their heads. What do you call a bunch of blondes in a circle? A dope ring. Why don't blondes eat pickles? Their heads always get stuck in the jar. Why don't blondes like to make Kool-Aid? Because they can't fit 8 cups of water into those little packages. What did the blonde call her zebra? Spot. Why do blondes hate the G.E.D.? Because they can't spell it. How do you get a blonde to climb up on the roof? Tell her that the drinks are on the house. What's a blonde's favorite T-shirt slogan? I'm a natural blonde, please speak slowly. What's the definition of gross ignorance? 144 blondes. Why did the blonde freeze in the winter? Because she went to the drive-in to see Closed for the Season. Why can't blondes be pharmacists? Because they can't get the bottles into the typewriter. What do you call an intelligent blonde? A golden retriever. Why do blondes wear a ponytail? To hide the valve stem. How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries? She has a checkbook. What is the only job a blonde can do in an M&M factory? Proofreading. Why would a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop. What do blondes and cow pies have in common? The older they get, the easier they are to pick up. What is the mating call of a blonde? I'm soooo drunk! What is the mating call of an ugly blonde? I said, Oh, I'm drunk! What is the mating call of a brunette? Is that @$#&! blonde gone yet? Why do blondes always fail driver's tests? Every time the car stops, they hop in the back seat. What did the blonde's mom say before her daughter went out on a date? If you're not in bed by 10 PM, come home! What does a blonde use for birth control? Brown hair-dye. What are the first two things that a blonde does in the morning? 1. She introduces herself. 2. She goes home. How do you confuse a blonde? Put her in a round room and tell her to pee in the corner. How does a blonde confuse you? She tells you she did. One day, a blonde was driving to California. On the way, she saw a sign that said, Clean Restrooms Ahead. By the time she finally reached the coast, she had scrubbed and polished 68 of them. Blondes are too biased. It's always, "Buy us this, buy us that!" I once knew a suicidal blonde, she dyed by her own hands. What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs. What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab. What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? The blonde has the higher sperm count. Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? Because they can't even keep two calves together! What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts. What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? She peed on her corn flakes. What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? "That's funny, you don't feel Jewish." What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt." How does a blonde commit suicide? She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off. How do you plant dope? Bury a blonde. How does a blonde measure his/her IQ? With a tire gauge! How do you tell when a blonde reaches orgasm? A1: She drops her nail-file! A2: Who cares? A3: She says, "Next". A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder. A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes. A6: I mean, who really cares? A7: The batteries have run out. How do you tell if a blonde did your landscaping? The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard How can you tell if a blonde has had a good night? Her undies will stick to the wall. How do you confuse a blond? You don't, they're born that way.

funniness: 7.38

rating: PG-13