Zach M.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish." -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs. "Do not use while sleeping." -- On a hair dryer. "Do not light in face. Do not expose to flame." -- On a lighter. "Do not eat." -- On a slip of paper in a stereo box, referring to the styrofoam packing. "Access hole only -- not intended for use in lifting box." -- On the sides of a shipping carton, just above cut-out openings which one would assume were handholds. "Warning: May cause drowsiness." -- On a bottle of Nytol, a brand of sleeping pills. "Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death." -- Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle. "Turn off motor before using this product." -- On the packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain. "Not to be used as a personal flotation device." -- On a 6x10 inch inflatable picture frame. "Do not put in mouth." -- On a box of bottle rockets. "Please remove before driving." -- On the back of a cardboard windshield (for keeping the car from getting too hot when parked). "Remove plastic before eating." -- On the wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack. "Do not drive cars in ocean." -- In small print at the bottom of the screen during a car commercial which shows a car in the ocean. "Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV. "For lifting purposes only." -- On the box for a car jack. "Do not put lit candles on phone." -- On the instructions for a cordless phone. --------------------------------------------------- Signs and Notices: "No stopping or standing." -- A sign at a bus stop. --------------------------------------------------- Safety Procedures: "Take care: new non-slip surface." -- On a sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building. "In case of flood, proceed uphill. In case of flash flood, proceed uphill quickly." -- One of the emergency safety procedures at a summer camp.

funniness: 7.06

rating: PG