How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb? None. They let the bitch do it after she finishes the dishes.
How many women does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just sit there in the dark and bitch.
Why do men fart more than women? Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Why did God give men penises? So we'd always have at least one way to shut a woman up!
How do you know God meant for men to eat pussy? Why else would he make it look like a taco?
How can you tell if you've been fucking your girl too much? Stick your thumb in her asshole and your middle finger up her snatch. If you can hear yourself snap your fingers, ease off a little.
What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for? It's braille for "suck here".
Why do men die before their wives? They want to.
What do you call pulling off a woman's panty hose? Foreplay.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Did you hear about the woman so fat she couldn't get out of bed? She kept rocking herself back to sleep.
Why is a woman like a dog turd? The older she is, the easier it is to pick up.
What's the difference between a woman and a toilet? A toilet doesn't follow you around once you've used it.
How does a woman know that she is overweight? She's lying at the beach and people from Greenpeace try to push her back into the sea.
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