The Middle Wife

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The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back.

When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater.

She holds up a snapshot of an infant. 'This is

Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday'

'First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.'

She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my

camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.

'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)

'My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like

the Domino's man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)

'And then, pop!

My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her

legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!)

'Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center, (placenta) so there must be a lot of toys inside there.'

Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another 'Middle Wife' comes along.

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submitted: 1+ years ago

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categories: health men, women, relationships sex, sexuality word fun (puns, riddles) work, school

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showing 1 - 24 of 24 discussions       sort by: newest

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by JCYLCRUZIN 1+ years ago

Y'all can calm down now. All it took was 1 email to the Admins through the support page and voila -no more porn spam!

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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by Dennis O. 1+ years ago

that is 2 say dat d kid is smart 2 no dat but i want 2 no if d kid is dere wan d mom is doing dat.

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by Jordan M. 1+ years ago

Cathy C. your messing up a lot of young kids minds! If you have any humane bone in your perverted body, stop posting porn!!!!!!!

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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by Ethan B. 1+ years ago

really Cathy c my little brothers got me in big trouble. seriously STOP

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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by john h. 1+ years ago

cathy c you muther fucking sun of a bitching ass holen porno fucking lover stop my 8 yr old brother is watching you FFUUCCCCCCCCKKERRRRR!!!!!!!!!

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by cathy c. 1+ years ago
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by Taxon n. 1+ years ago

ive been to kanjartube.com naveed, it sucks

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by Nikke V. 1+ years ago

I so almost peed myself.

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by Mac G. 1+ years ago

is there a way to ban comments im getting sick of naveed i laugh my ass of reading some of the posts and then i see naveeds comment and i die a bit inside...P.S. Funny adorable prob should've stoped the kid poor kid good thing he didnt bring a camcorder

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by CAJE C. 1+ years ago

That's absolutely freakin' adorable

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by Marie D. 1+ years ago

that is funny!!!!!!!! ps. naveed ,not a person cares!!!!!!!

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by Naveed S. 1+ years ago
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by Naveed S. 1+ years ago
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by Danni B. 1+ years ago

; Hahah, how CUTE!! ofcorse if its ah little girl saying it. afunny. x

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by debasree t. 1+ years ago

very funny.......... Just don't be satisfied, is coming absolutely in a new version after some days, so hold your breathe

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by Emma G. 1+ years ago

thats so cute!!=D=D

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by Jenny Z. 1+ years ago

Funniest thing I've ever heard!!!

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by Monique W. 1+ years ago

lol seeing through the eyes of a kid, can be such a joy & definetly a good laugh!

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by Bunny Man 1+ years ago

WoRugrats witnessing childbirth.

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by Jade R. 1+ years ago

LOL, thats hilarious! Poor little girl!

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by Mad R. 1+ years ago

Not funny at all.

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CKTKP_The Middle Wife

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