Jim is sat alone at a bar feeling sorry for himself, the bartender zee’s the troubled man and asks “Everything alright Jim” to which Jim replies, “No mate, I am well and truly fed up.” The barman asks, “What’s troubling you.” ”it’s the wife,” says Jim, “I have had it, absolutely had it with her, she has removed every last piece of my dignity.” The barman throws caution to the wind and says “Why don’t’ you have her finished off, she can’t hassle you if she’s dead”. Jim replies, “It’s an extreme idea but it sounds like a good plan. “Do you know anyone that could do it?” The barman replies, “Actually my friend yes I do, there is a man in the games room next door called Arthur, Arty for short, he normally wears a black hat and sits by the dartboard, he should sort you out.”
Jim walks into the next room and sees a man fitting the description he walks over and asks, “Are you Arty?” the man replies in a firm tone “Yeah”, Jim plucks up the courage to ask “I understand you can kill my wife” Arty replies “Yeah” Jim asks How much do you charge, Arty says” Just give us a quid” “A pound, is that all” replied Jim, and without hesitating he pulls out a pound coin and gives it to Arty, “Right mate, where will she be, what time and what will she be wearing” “She’ll be arriving at Tesco’s, ten o’clock Saturday morning, she wears a black hat and a long red jacket” Arty nod’s and says “done”.
That Saturday morning Arty is by the Tesco entrance when he sees a woman fitting the description, black hat, long red jacket, he goes behind her grabs her throat, chokes her and drops her dead body to the ground. As he is walking calmly away, he sees another woman fitting the description black hat, long red jacket. Thinking that he better make sure he goes behind her, grabs her throat chokes her and drops her dead body. As he is walking away a Tesco employee runs up to him screaming “what the hell you doing, you can’t do that, I’m calling the police” Arty, already sick of this man grabs him by throat, chokes him, drops him. The headline in the paper the next day read “Arty chokes three for a pound at Tesco.”
By Matthew Bowers