These are true signs and newspaper headlines
found in Moscow Hotel lobby across from a russian orthodox monastery: You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists and writers are buried daily except Thursday!
Swiss Mountain Inn: Special Today ----No Icecream!
Door of a health food shop Closed due to illness
We repair what your husband fixed!
On a restroom hand drier: Do not activate with wet hands
In a restroom cubicle: Toilet out of order, plz use floor below
If you cannot read, this leaflet will tell you how to get lessons.
In a bowling alley: Please be quiet, we need to hear a pin drop.
sign at a psychic's business; Don't call us we'll call you
1985 Camaro red 68,000 miles, runs good, needs motor
One pair hardly used dentures, only two teeth missing $100
Turkey for sale - only partially eaten, only 8 days old. Both drumsticks still intact $23
Parachute, never opened, used once,
Free dog, eats anything and is fond of children
Debbie's hair salon if we can't make you look good, your ugly!
For sale, one used tombstone, perfect for anyone named Michael Smith
For sale, 16 volume encyclopedias, not needed anymore because i know everything.
Blow dryer do not use while sleeping
Iron Never iron clothes on the body
Life saving device Warning, this is not a life saving device!
Child sized superman costume This garment does not enable you to fly
Camera This camera will only work when film is inside (DUH)
Soap Directions: Use like regular soap
Christmas Lights For indoor or outdoor use only
Peanuts Contains Nuts!!
Shampoo Use reapetedly for severe damage
Blanket Not to be used as a protection from a tornado
Insect Spray This is harmful to bees!!
NEWSPAPER HEADLINES MY FAVORITE!!
something went wrong in jet crash experts say
Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
Deer Kill 17,000
Stolen Painting found by tree
Two soviet ships collide, one dies
two sisters reunited after 18 years in checkout counter
British left waffles on falkland islands
Iraqi Head seeks Arms
Miners refuse to work after death
Enraged cow injures farmer with ax
Man struck by lightning faces battery charge
Typhoon rips throug h cemetery, hundreds dead.
Lansing residents can drop off trees
Local High school dropouts cut in half
survivor of siamese twins joins parents
include your children when baking cookies!!
Drunk gets nine months in violin case
Bridge held up by red tape
cold wave linked to temperatures
Queen MAry having bottom scraped
A ring of debris was found around Uranus
Milk drinkers are turning to powder
Kids make nutritous snacks
hospitals sued by seven foot doctors
Astronaut takes blame for gas in spacecraft
Grandmother of eight makes hole in one
Lawmen from mexico barbecue guests
Nicaragua sets goal to wipe out literacy
Dealers will hear car talk at noon
New Vaccine may contain rabies