Three drunken men in a bar were incessantly arguing over who had the longest shlong. They went on and on and on about it, until finally the bartender said, "Enough already! I'm going to help you guys settle this once and for all. Just whip out your dicks and put them right here on the counter, and I'll get out my ruler and measure them."
The three men agreed, and proceeded to do as instructed.
Just then, a gay man entered. The bartender asked, "What'll you have?"
The gay man replied, "I was going to have a martini, but on second thought, I think I'd rather have the buffet."