1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.
2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.
4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.
5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.
6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.
8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.
9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.
10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.
11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).
12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).
13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboardâ¦
15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).
16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).
17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.
18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.
19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.
20. All single women have a cat.
21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.
22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.
23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.
25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
submitted: 1+ years ago
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categories: celebrities, entertainment, people
also forgot: A woman throwing up unequivocally means she's pregnant (she couldn't just have a flu or food poisoning...) Anyone coughing (or even with a sudden bad headache) will grow increasingly ill and be dead by the end of the movie. (Again - sorry! you can't just be "sick").
what about if you stick your tounge on a cold pole it will always get stuck?
you forgot: there always has to be a girl crying hysterically in the background for no reason and sirens are always needed to make the scene dramatic
you also forgot all assasins sent to kill someone (who use a knife) will make their presence known in someway by screaming or knocking down a glass object that will shatter
you also forgot: if u have a sidekick, they are always a few seconds behind the rest of the world. this is always helpful when you are about to be killed by the bad guy.
you forgot: if you are doing something evil, you MUST give a long speech about how you plan to take over the world (even if that wasn't your original plan - you aren't evil without trying to take over the world) why the good guys can't stop you (this speech must also be given to a captive good guy, who you will then kill in a long and complicated way). you will then immediately be stopped.
i always that thought bt never wrote it down...good work...funny stuff!!!!