Memo to All Staff:
Wearing certain colors can be upsetting to other employees or to clients. Therefore, here is a list of forbidden colors, with explanations.
Blue: This color is forbidden because it is sometimes associated with sadness and depression, as in "feeling blue" or "having the blues." It is also associated with vulgarity as in "blue humor."
Red: This color may encourage violence in the workplace due to the fact that it is the color of blood. It is also forbidden because this color is sometimes associated with Communists and the Republican party, both of which are known to offend some people.
Yellow: This color is forbidden because it is associated with cowardice, and that is not the proper image we wish to project.
Green: This is the color of rancid food, and may upset some people who have had bad experiences with such.
Orange: This color is absolutely off limits due to the fact that it is the color of prison uniforms. We cannot permit our employees to look like escaped convicts.
Purple: This color is forbidden because it is sometimes thought of as a "gay pride" color, and therefore may be offensive to homophobes.
Brown: This is the color of Nazi uniforms, and sends an anti-semitic message as well as an anti-American one. Absolutely forbidden.
Pink: Corporations often notify workers of employment termination by issuing a "pink slip." The color pink could bring out unpleasant memories for people who have lost jobs, and is therefore forbidden.
Black: This color could be associated with the Black Plague or black magic, and western movie villains. We certainly cannot allow our employees to dress like villains, and any black clothing is absolutely forbidden.
Gray: This color was worn by Confederate soldiers in the Civil War, and therefore could be construed by some as projecting a pro-slavery message.
White: This is the color worn by the Ku Klux Klan. We cannot allow employees to look like Klansmen, so all clothing in this color is strictly prohibited.
This dress code will be strictly enforced. Any employees found wearing any of these forbidden colors will be required to immediately remove all clothing that is in violation.