Can you cry under water? Yes. It Will come out bubbles.
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? A least a celebrity.
If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Because money DOES grow on trees. It's just somewhere where you and/or your parents can't find it.
Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Because you cut it that way and Americans are too damn lazy to cut it into square.
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? The government.
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? No. You wear one of those angel robes.
Why does a round pizza come in a square box? Because deep dishes came first and Americans are too damn lazy too change he shape of the box just because the pizza changed.
What disease did cured ham actually have? Bubonic Plague.
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? They were comparing the space shuttles to747s and realized that the 747s have wheels and they said, "What the HELL??? We put man on the moon and we can't make rolling F***ING LUGGAGE?????"
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? Because the personwho invented the phrase got lucky in childbirth.
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? Yes. That is offending. My cousin is deaf.
If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? YES. My cousin tried it. :(
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? The "a" in "a movie" is the key. Normally, when asked, "Whatcha doin'?" You don't answer 'Watching A TV."
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? So they can say, "Those people look like ants."
How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? One Miss America from each state (DUH!!!).
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. Because they are polite.
If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? The person sitting next to him/her.
Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? This is one I could not figure out. Two legs. Two boobs. Makes absolutely no sense.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup? If there moms read it to them as a bedtime (or dinnertime) story, yes.
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Aristotle.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Think of the human beings that aren't decent!!!
Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?Because the freezer is smaller, easier to look through. The fridge, on the otherhand, might need a light for you to find what you need.
When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? Maybe. If you are a girl and trying to get out of a ticket with your charm. :)
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? One word: DUMBASSES
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? Yes.
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat? It would end the series.
Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? It would be crass to piont to such a horrid place!
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! Well, wy can Gooy talk? HMMMM?!?!?!?
What do you call male ballerinas? Ballerinis. Or ballerinos.
Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? Yes it's in your mind. You cansee anything in your mind. Because the switching around o images to make sure you see them right happens before the image reaches your mind. So a blind person would still be able to see anythign within te mind.
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? It's not a problem about hunger it's a problm with the roadrunner.
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from? You know the answer. And it's not babies.
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? If we weren't all crazy, we'd go insane. But without some morality we'd all lose our minds. PONDER THAT!!!
Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse?Yes
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Yes.
Why did you just try singing the two songs above? I'll tell you why if you can prove that I did at all.
Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Because people aredumbasses.
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window? Because dogs are f***ing too smart for their own good.
This is my response to the joke "ponder these"