Dealing with your underage child

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Dealing with your underage child. (Father's point of view) Males: Your room does not HAVE to look like a stable, in my age we cleaned it up to get laid.

You do not require a 37' T.V for your room, no matter how many of your friends have it. They have rich parents, do you see our asses striding around the country club?

A locked door is a luxury I'll only permit when you're masturbating.

If you practice darts on the door with knives, you fix it when we're moving.

If you kick the pc when it fails, I'll kick you when the bill for it turns up.

You do not deserve more allowance, you do nothing around here.

No, I will not pay you money to clean your own room, rot there for all I care, you and that band of cockroaches.

If a buy a colon, I'm locking it so you can't have it, the damn thing cost 200$, way more than I'd pay for you by the drop.

Just because we own Vodka doesn't mean you have to steal it all one night, and then sleep at the door because you don't know which way the key turns.

Don't cook by yourself; haven't we sat through enough fire lectures because of you already?

Just because you can't be arsed to do the 1000 piece puzzle you were given as a gift, doesn't mean you have to use it as "vacuum meat" all the time.

I'll buy you a cell-phone when they make one that attaches magnetically to your pocket, not a moment sooner.

No, you may not have my ATM card, I have a credit limit, and you have acne and the need to buy useless crap.

I'm not letting you have the car just to go to school, I've seen how you drive, and I wouldn't trust a go-cart with you.

Not sleeping all night is fine by me, but if you won't wake up for school the next morning, I'm bringing in the air-horn.

Christ! Wash your hands, 14 times a day and you just wipe them against your jeans…

Speaking of which, I will not pay 200$ for a designer jeans, they're the same as the 20$ pair one and they will not burn a whole through my pocket. Besides, you'll throw them out in a year anyway when you get too fat for them.

Fine, turn me in to social services, but then you are NEVER getting that PSP thingy you've been wanting…

I'm using your razor, deal with it.

If you ever get to see only half of the action on your pc porn movies, then god bless you.

If you bring a girl home, just take your own condom for Pete's sake.

Females: If the Cell-Phone bill is larger than my monthly income, it's gone.

Shopping for clothes on my money will only bring you sadness….via me.

Yes, God yes, it makes you look slutty, change it into something more human.

I didn't ask for something sluttier!

If you bring home a guy, I reserve the right to drill him with questions from every known source. I know what he's thinking, and he's not getting it unless he has tons of money of a diploma.

You do not have to chat like a whore with every internet figure whose profile says "male".

Never ask me how you look in something, it didn't work with your mother, and it won't work now.

If you sneak out again, we move, at night. Alone.

Clubbing is fine, although…You may not dance, you may not talk, you may not drink, you may not walk and you may not even show up, clear?

Pink makes me sick, I will not paint a room that, do it yourself.

P.S: I'm not a father, I just picture some of the things my father did and would say to me…


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smiley 7.4 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 5,524 times

categories: men, women, relationships





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Submitter's Comments

by Dan S. 10/15/07 09:10 PM

Just stuff I came up with after a sleepless night at about 6 AM

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by rachel s. 1+ years ago

Your dad is an asshole.

Reply to rachel s.'s comment
CGLOH_Dealing with your underage child

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