A man was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after his wife had gone into labor and the nurse walked out and said to the man sitting next to him, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!" The man replied, "How about that, I work for the Doublemint Chewing Gum Company." The man then followed the woman to his wife's room. About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mr. Smith's wife has just had triplets. Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for the 3M Company." The gentleman that was sitting next to him then got up and started to leave. When asked why he was leaving, he remarked, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I work for 7-UP."
You might be a Mexican If you can fit four riders on the bench seat of a pickup, while in the back twelve are standing up. You are a Mexican. If you can run, ride a llegua, and play futbol all while wearing chanclas, Mexican status! If your late tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business, yes you're a Mexican. If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamasita rubbed the area while chanting, "Sana, Sana, Colita de rana..." Big time Mexican. If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your car, truck, or tattooed on your back. Yes, You ARE a Mexican (proud one too). If you refer to your wife as; your ruca, your hina, your wifey, your old lady, or your vieja. guess what? You're a California born Mexican. If you throw a "Grito" every time you hear Vicente Fernandez, Then not only are you a Mexican, but you are a drunk Mexican. If you have ever been pinched in church and been told "pobrecito de ti si lloras" or "Vas a ver orita que salgamos." This has happened to every good Mexican, and yes you're definitely a Mexican. If you grew up scared of someone called La Llorona, or fear the dark because of El CuCuy! Yes! Mexican! Si te persinas with a lotto ticket in your hand before every drawing. You're in the Mexican Zone! If you ask for something by "dame esa chingadera" instead of calling it by its name. Yep! Mexican! If you constantly refer to cereal as "con fleys" or pizza as "picxa" you're a Mexican. If you use manteca instead of vegetable oil and can't figure out why your butt is getting bigger... you might be a Mexican. If you have some tias that dress up in their prom dresses to go to your birthday party at "el parque" you are a Mexican. If your tias and abuela dress up in their Sunday best, nylon, heels and all to go to the "Remate." (AKA the Flea Market) Then yes you are a Mexican. If most of the houses on your block are painted bright pink, mint green, and purple. Yes Mexican! If you use the bushes in front of your house, the fence, or the top of an old car to dry laundry. Yes you're a Mexican. If you're sick and your mamasita rubs "Bicks" into your nostrils and gives you "jugo de sebolla" with sugar, (grandma's recipe) to help relieve your symptoms, Damn!! You're Mexican. IF YOU DON'T NEED ANY EXPLANATIONS FOR ANY OF THE ABOVE, YOU KNOW THAT YOU ARE A TRUE MEXICAN. VIVA LA RAZA!!! All meant in fun, don't get all "doloridos" and pass it on so another Mexican can laugh too.
Not satisfied with the results he got from his family doctor, a balding man sought out an alternative treatment for his hair loss. A friend referred him to a scientist who had been testing a chemical that showed great promise. Within a week after taking the recommended dosage, a heavy growth of hair appeared on the bald man's scalp. He was very happy at first but soon became alarmed when hair began to grow uncontrollably all over his body. After two weeks, he returned to see the scientist. "What the hell did you give me?" he demanded. "It was DNA from a Woolly Mammoth." "Oh," said the man. "That would explain the size of my balls."
Knowing that photography was a passion of mine, my cousin asked if I'd take her wedding pictures. I agreed, but instantly became a nervous wreck. Would the photos be in focus? Would she like the composition? Could I get a shot of everyone? Finally my wife heard enough. "Stop worrying about it!" she said. "If they'd wanted a real photographer they would have gotten one."
An old man strode in to his doctors office and said, "Doc, my druggist said to tell you to change my prescription and to check the prescription you've been giving to Mrs. Smith." "Oh, he did, did he?" the doctor shot back. "And since when does a druggist second guess a doctor's orders?" The old man says, "Since he found out I've been on birth control pills since February."
Blonde: Mmmm, it smells so good in here! Doesn't it smell good in here? I love it! I just want to eat what's in my nose right now! Friend: I know