A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm goin' to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
I was walking out of Starbucks this morning, and a beautiful woman of about fifty was getting out of her Mercedes SL 500 convertible. There were a couple of painters sitting in a van eating, staring at the lady. As soon as she was out of earshot, one of the guys said, "I wonder how many times she had to take it up the ass to get that thing." I was appalled. I went up to the van and stood looking at them through the open window. "Hey," I said. "Just because a woman drives an expensive car doesnt mean she has to take it up the ass to get it." The just looked at me a bit embarrassed, not sure what to say. I continued, "No, anal sex isnt the only way for women to get nice things, blow jobs work, too."
One caller to our answering service gave me his name, number and message and then said, "You know my name. What's yours?" "We're not allowed to give our names," I replied, "but my operator number is 4136" Sounding disappointed, he said, "May I call you by your first digit, or would that be too personal?"
When Peters learned that he was being fired, he went to see the head of human resources. "Since I've been with the firm for so long," he said, "I think I deserve at least a letter of recommendation." The human resources director agreed and said he'd have the letter that next day. The following morning, Peters found the letter on his desk. It read, "Jonathan Peters worked for our company for eleven years. When he left us, we were very satisfied."
srri if this wasted ur time... no laffs? come and beat me up.