A couple enters a pet shop looking for a new pet. While looking they notice a monkey with a sign around it's neck that says 'talking monkey that knows everything'. After talking it over with each other they ask the monkey if it would like to go home with them. With a very excited screech, jumping up and down, he said "I would be delighted to go home with you both".
After being in the house for a few hours the couple decided to see if the monkey would like to go out for a ride. Once again the monkey replied, with a very excited screech and jumping up and down, he said "I would be delighted to go for a ride with you both". The car tumbled in a very bad accident and the monkey was the only one alive.
The police and fire department arrived at the scene and noticed the monkey and the sign around his chest that reads 'talking monkey that knows everything'. The fireman asked "do you really know everything?". The monkey said "well of course, sir". The fireman asked "what happened here?" The monkey stated "well sir we got in great big crash because of them humans stupidity. They decided to get crazy by drinking whiskey, smoking laced pot, and fucking like animals....no pun attended sir".
After the fireman told the police officer about the incident, the upset police officer asked the monkey "O.K. monkey what was you doing while all this was going on?" The monkey smiled and said "Drinking, getting high, and of course driving!!!"