Jack and the Hitman

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Jack was sitting in the clubhouse waiting for someone to pair up with for a round of golf when he noticed this other guy sitting alone at a table wearing a suit and tie and carrying a briefcase. Since this other guy also had a bag of golf clubs next to him and since Jack really wanted to golf and the club rules said that he needed a partner, Jack decided to take a chance. He walked over and asked the man, “So, how about a round?” Surprisingly the man agreed and off they went to the first tee. Jack took the first shot and the ball went sailing up the fairway. Then he stepped back and the other guy teed up. But, instead of leaving his briefcase in the cart the man puts it on the ground next to him. He hits a great shot and then picks up the case.

This continues for several holes. The man keeps his briefcase with him at all times and finally Jack can’t take it anymore and asks, “Ok, what’s in the case that’s so important?” Expecting to hear something like, contracts or somesuch Jack is surprised when the man says “my rifle”. The guy then explains: “You see, I’m a hitman. I freelance and so I never know when or where I might get a call to do a job. So I have to keep the tools with me at all times. And, because this rifle is so special I try to take really good care of it.”

Jack is impressed. “A hitman, eh? So, how much do you charge?” The hitman says, “I don’t come cheap! My price is $50,000 a bullet.” Jack takes that in and then asks, “So, do you think I can see your rifle?” At first the hitman doesn’t want to take it out but as they are far away from prying eyes and there isn’t anyone else in sight he agrees. He takes out the rifle and starts to put it together. Once he has it together Jack asks, “Can I hold it?” The hitman is feeling pretty good so he lets him. Jack looks through the scope and says “Wow, I can see my house from here! In fact, I can see my bedroom window. Hey, and there’s my wife. Hey, she’s naked! I wonder what she’s doing with no clothes on at this time? Wait a second, there’s Bill from next door. They’re having an affair.”

With that, Jack hands the rifle back to the hitman and says, “Ok, $50,000 a bullet! Kill them both.” The hitman takes the rifle and starts to aim when Jack says, “Wait, I’ve changed my mind, I want you to blow her pretty little head off but just shoot Bill’s balls off. Can you do that?” The hitman says, “Sure, I can hit a fly on a fencepost at 2000 yards with this. But, it’s still $50,000 a bullet no matter what I hit with it.” Jack says, “That’s fine, I want him to suffer. It’s worth it.” And with that the hitman takes aim. Finally, after a couple of seconds he says, “If I wait a little I think I can save you $50,000.”


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smiley 6.4 PG13

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