1. What do starship voyagers and a role of toilet paper have in common?
They both fly by Uranus, and the both destroy clingongs!
2. Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stamp out fires
Why do elephants have flat feet? To stamp out burning ducks!
3. Stupid inventions by blondes: A dictionary index, inflatable dart board, do it yourself road map, a book on how to read, powdered water, waterproof towels, submarine screen door, glow in the dark sunglasses, solar powered flashlight, reusable icecubes, freeze dried pills, water proof tea bags, and skinless bananas.
4. Knock Knock
Alaska my friend then.
5. One day a boy was eating his mickey mouse treats and saw a contest inside, it read, "create the best password for the disney website.
So the boy sends in the password, but his mom see's him do it, she asked what he was doind, and he said he was sending in a password. She asked what it was and he said it was, "mickeyminniegoofypluto."
"Why is it so long?"
"They said it had to be atleast 4 characters long."
5. One day 2 hunters were in the woods, and then one of them stopped breathing and collapsed onto the ground. The second guy called Emergancy Services, and said to the operator, "help me, my friend collapsed and he isn't breathing, and I think he's dead."
"Ok, now remain calm, I can help, but first we have to make sure he's dead." Said the operator.
Then there is a silence on the phone.........BANG!
Back on the phone the guy says, "Ok, now what?"
6. There was a blonde driving on the highway once and she was driving 160 mph, and then a blonde police officer pulled her over. The police officer asked if she knew she was driving so fast. She said no. The officer asked to see her driver's license. And she replied with, " What's a driver's license?"
"Well, ummmmmmm... it's like a... square type thing with your picture on it."
So the blonde in the car searches through her purse and pulls out a square mirror, she looks in it and says to the blonde officer, "Will this do?" She handed out the mirror.
The officer took it, looked into it and said, "Woah! You're a police officer too!"
7. So there was a blonde stuck in a parking lot in a blizzard, and her father always told her that she should follow a snow plow when there is a blizzard. So she waits out in the streets until a snow plow comes by and she follows it.
After 3 hours the driver of the snow plow gets out and asked her if she's following him. She says yes, "My father always told me to follow a snow plow in a blizzard."
"That's very good advice, and just to tell you that I'm done with the Zellers parking lot now and I'm going over to Tot's R Us."