1.) What is the thinnest book in the world? What men know about women
2.) How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One .Men will screw anything
3.) How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats lots of beans for supper
4.) Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they dont have balls to scratch
5.) Whats a mans idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging
6.) Whats the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature
7.) How do you keep a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head
8.) What do men and beer bottles have in common? Theyre both empty from the neck up
9.) How do you know if a man is happy? Who cares
10.) How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No-one knows ..it never happens
11.) How are men and parking spots alike? The good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped
12.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.? E.T. phoned home
13.) What do you call a man with half a brain? Gifted
14.) What did God say after he made man? Surly I can do better and he made women
15.) What do you have when you have two balls in your hands? A mans undivided attention 16.) Did you hear about the banker who is a great lover? He knows the penalty for early withdrawal
17.) Why are men like laxatives? Because they irritate the shit out of you
18.) Why do men name their penises? They want to be on a first name basis with the one who makes all the decisions
19.) Why do men like masturbation? Its sex with someone they love
20.) Why did God create men? Because a vibrator wont mow the lawn
Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?
Husband: I dont know why you wear a bra; you dont have anything to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, dont you?
Only a man would buy a $500.00 car and put a $4000.00 stereo in it.