Subject: Men

1.) What is the thinnest book in the world? “What men know about women”

2.) How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? “One….Men will screw anything”

3.) How does a man take a bubble bath? “He eats lots of beans for supper”

4.) Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? “Because they don’t have balls to scratch”

5.) What’s a man’s idea of foreplay? “A half hour of begging”

6.) What’s the difference between men and government bonds? “Bonds mature”

7.) How do you keep a man from drowning? “Take your foot off his head”

8.) What do men and beer bottles have in common? “They’re both empty from the neck up”

9.) How do you know if a man is happy? “Who cares”

10.) How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? “No-one knows…… never happens”

11.) How are men and parking spots alike? “The good ones are taken and the ones that are left are handicapped”

12.) What is the difference between a man and E.T.? “E.T. phoned home”

13.) What do you call a man with half a brain? “Gifted”

14.) What did God say after he made man? “Surly I can do better and he made women”

15.) What do you have when you have two balls in your hands? “A man’s undivided attention” 16.) Did you hear about the banker who is a great lover? “He knows the penalty for early withdrawal”

17.) Why are men like laxatives? “Because they irritate the shit out of you”

18.) Why do men name their penises? “They want to be on a first name basis with the one who makes all the decisions”

19.) Why do men like masturbation? “It’s sex with someone they love”

20.) Why did God create men? “Because a vibrator won’t mow the lawn”

Husband: Want a quickie? Wife: As opposed to what?

Husband: I don’t know why you wear a bra; you don’t have anything to put in it. Wife: You wear briefs, don’t you?

Only a man would buy a $500.00 car and put a $4000.00 stereo in it.


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