The following are genuine letters sent to landlords...
1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared.
2. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door.
3. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do i stand
5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall.
6. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it.
7. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
8. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
9. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
10. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
11. Will you please send someone to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
12. When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy.
13. Will you please send someone to mend my downspout. i am an old age pensioner and need it straight away.
14. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap. My wife got her toe stuck in it and its very uncomfortable for us.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.