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If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day 365 days a year, why are there locks on the door?

Why are people who "need no introduction" always introduced?

Why is the word abbriviation so long?

If you had 20 odds and ends on a table and all but one fell off, whats left, an odd or an end?

What is the speed of dark?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, will it make a sound?

If a turtle loses his shell, is it naked or homeless?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?

If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

When you're sending someone styrofoam, what do you pack it in?

Why are there Braille signs on drive-up ATM's?

If women wear a pair of pants, a pair of glasses, and a pair of earrings, why don't they wear a pair of bras?

How come you never hear about gruntled employees?

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

What's another word for synonym?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

When sign makers go on strike, what is written on their picket signs?

Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?

How can there be self-help groups?

Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?

Why is it that when you transport something by car, its called a shipment, but when you transport something by ship, its called cargo?

Why do we play in recitals and recite in plays?

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Where are Preparations A through G?

Are there seeing eye humans for blind dogs?

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

When your pet bird sees you reading the newspaper, does he wonder why you're just sitting there, staring at carpeting?

What happened to the first 6 "ups"?

If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

Why does your nose run, and your feet smell?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

It doesn't matter what temperature the room is, it's always room temperature.

I lost a button hole.

I got a dog and named him "Stay." Now, I go "Come here, Stay!" After a while, the dog went insane and wouldn't move at all.

I have a map of the United States, life size. 1 mile equals 1 mile. It's a pain to fold it.

I made wine out of raisins so I wouldn't have to wait for it to age.

Last year for Christmas, I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier.... I thought I'd put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

My house is made out of balsa wood, so when I want to scare the neighborhood kids I lift it over my head and tell them to get out of my yard or I'll throw it at them.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

In my house there's this light switch that doesn't do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Australia. She said, "Knock it off!."

How much deeper would the ocean be if there were no sponges in it?

I got pulled over by a cop, and he said, "Do you know the speed limit here is 55 miles per hour?" So I said, "Oh, that's OK, I'm not going that far."

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

I planted some bird seed. A bird grew. Now I don't know what to feed it.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment, and nobody else shows up, and you think maybe that's part of the experiment?

The sign said "eight items or less." So I changed my name to Les.

I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.

I went to a general store. They wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five.

When I was a kid I had a friend who worked in a radio station. Whenever we walked under a bridge, you couldn't hear what he said.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn't have to go so fast.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, "I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out."

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint, and he has to touch it.

How come Superman could stop bullets with his chest, but always ducked when someone threw a gun at him?

If it was only a 3 hour cruise, why did Mrs. Howell have so many clothes?

Why is it called a hamburger, when it's made out of beef?

Why does sour cream have an expiration date?

What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way?

IF "Con" is the Opposite of "Pro"....then what is the opposite of progress?

Why is lemon juice mostly artificial ingredients, but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

Why buy a product that it takes 2000 flushes to get rid of?

Why do we wait until a pig is dead, to "cure" it?

Why do we wash bath towels-aren't we clean when we use them?

Why do we put suits in a Garment Bag, and put Garments in a Suitcase?

Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"?

Whose cruel idea was it for the word "Lisp" to have an "S" in it?

What do little birdies see, when they get knocked unconscious?

If a mute swears, does his mother wash his hands with soap?

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation?

Instead of talking to your plants, if you yelled at them would they still grow, only to be troubled and insecure?

What's another word for synonym?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice"?

When you open a bag of cotton balls, is the top one meant to be thrown away?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why do they report power outages on TV?

What should you do when you see an endangered animal that is eating an endangered plant?

Is it possible to be totally partial?

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly that loses its wings be called a walk?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their headlights off?

There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have.

I've heard snappier comebacks from a bowl of Rice Krispies.

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

If the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Actual Newspaper or Magazine Ads

Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar

An actual tip from page 16 of the Health Physics "Environmental, Health & Safety Handbook for Employees."

"Blink your eyelids periodically to lubricate your eyes."

Illiterate? Write today for free help.

Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it.

Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

Stock up and save. Limit: one.

Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00

For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.


How funny is this joke, video, picture?

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smiley 7.4 PG

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 10,002 times

categories: other





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User Comments Add Comment

showing 1 - 6 of 6 discussions       sort by: newest

0 thumb down thumb up
by Taxon n. 1+ years ago

so fricken true

Reply to Taxon n.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by Lane S. 1+ years ago

If there's fire in Hell is there ice in Heaven?

Reply to Lane S.'s comment
+1 thumb down thumb up
by Destiny Ann d. 1+ years ago

i think its very cute a little repetitive (how the hell do you spell that) but very funny nice job man

Reply to Destiny Ann d.'s comment
+2 thumb down thumb up
by rachel s. 1+ years ago

Too long to hold interest, and not topic specific. Funny, but would be much better if it were split up into a couple of parts posted separately. Also, some are questions, some are statements, some are headlines. No connection. Not good.

Show 1 replies to this comment

0 thumb down thumb up
by Roisin O. 1+ years ago

Hilarious xxxxxxxx

Reply to Roisin O.'s comment
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by Dashelle S. 1+ years ago

PWNZ!! 3 repeats though...."What would a chair look like, if your knees bent the other way? - If someone with multiple personalities threatens to commit suicide, is it considered a hostage situation? - What's another word for synonym?"

Reply to Dashelle S.'s comment

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