Hello, my name is Anna and I suffer form the guilt of not forwarding 50 billion @#$%ing chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor 6-year-old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give your, and everyone to whom you sent "his" email, $1000? How stupid have we become? " Ooooh, look here! If I scroll down this page and make a whish, I'll get lucky by every good looking model in the magazine!" What a bunch of shit.
Basically, this message is a big fuck off to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send me silly chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will come into my house and sodomize me in my sleep for breaking a chain started by Peter in 5 AD and brought to this country by mutant pilgrims on the Mayflower. Forget them!
If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 10 of your closest friends, and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel from some omniscient being" forwards dozens of times. I don't care. Show a little smarts and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending these forwards out. Good chance it will be your own popularity. The point? If you get some chain letter that threatening to leave you shagless or luckless for the rest of you life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who was tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation is the 5 cents per letter he'll get if you forward this message.
Now, forward this to everyone you know. Failure to do so will cause you underwear to turn carnivorous and proceed to consume your genitals.