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You may be a republican if:

- You think "proletariat" is a type of cheese.

- You've named your kids "Deduction one" and "Deduction two"

- You've tried to argue that poverty could be abolished if people were just allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.

- You've ever referred to someone as "my (insert racial or ethnic minority here) friend"

- You've ever tried to prove Jesus was a capitalist and opposed to welfare.

- You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.

- You think Huey Newton is a cookie.

- The only union you support is the Baseball Players, because heck, they're richer than you.

- You think you might remember laughing once as a kid.

- You once broke loose at a party and removed your neck tie.

- You call mall rent-a-cops "jack-booted thugs."

- You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.

- You've ever uttered the phrase, "Why don't we just bomb the sons of bitches."

- You've ever said, "I can't wait to get into business school."

- You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Tootsie."

- You answer to "The Man."

- You don't think "The Simpsons" is all that funny, but you watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.

- You fax the FBI a list of "Commies in my Neighborhood."

- You don't let your kids watch Sesame Street because you accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."

- You scream "Dit-dit-ditto" while making love.

- You've argued that art has a "moral foundation set in Western values."

- When people say "Marx," you think "Groucho."

- You've ever yelled, "Hey hippie, get a haircut."

- You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.

- You argue that you need 300 handguns, in case a bear ever attacks your home.

- Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.

- You point to Hootie and the Blowfish as evidence of the end of racism in America.

- You've ever said civil liberties, schmivil schmiberties.

- You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."

- You've ever called education a luxury.

- You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.

- You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.

- You came of age in the '60s and don't remember Bob Dylan.

- You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.

- You're afraid of the liberal media."

- You ever based an argument on the phrase, "Well, tradition dictates...."

- You ever told a child that Oscar the Grouch "lives in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want to contribute to society."

- You've ever urged someone to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.

- You confuse Lenin with Lennon.


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smiley 4.0 G

submitted: 1+ years ago

viewed: 1,395 times

categories: news, politics, government work, school





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