Funny Quotes from Famous People

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Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place. -Billy Crystal

If you want to say it with flowers, a single rose says: "I'm cheap!" -Delta Burke

According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful. -Jay Leno

My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. -Tim Allen

There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked." -Jerry Seinfield

You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again. -Joan Rivers

If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten. -George Carlin

I am a marvelous housekeeper. Every time I leave a man I keep his house. -Zsa Zsa Gabor

The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house. -Jeff Foxworthy

Men look at women the way men look at cars. Everyone looks at Ferraris. Now and then we like a pickup truck, and we all buy station wagons. -Tim Allen


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