Well, this day was a total waste of makeup. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom? A hard-on doesn't count as a personal growth. Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. Do I look like a freakin' people person? This isn't an office. It's Hell with flourescent lighting! I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me. If I throw a stick, will you leave? You! Off my planet! Therapy is expensive, poppin bubble wrap is cheap! You choose. I love cats, too! Let's exchange recipes. If I want to hear the patter of little feet, I'll put shoes on my cat. Did the aliens forget to remove your anal probe? And just how may I screw you over today? And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be _ ? I'm not a cranky person, I've just been in a very bad mood for 30 years. If only you'd use your powers for good instead of evil. Allow me to introduce my selves. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed. SubUrbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them. Do they ever shut up on your planet? I'm just working here till a good fast-food job opens up. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage. I'm not your type. I'm not inflatable. I'm trying to imagine you with a personality. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door. Stress is when you wake up screaming and you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet. Here I am! Now, what are your other two wishes? Adults are just kids who owe money. How many times do I have to flush before you go away? I have a computer, a vibrator, and pizza delivery. Why should I leave the house? I just want revenge. Is that so wrong? It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me. You say I'm a bitch like it's a bad thing. Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2? Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it? Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Chaos, panic, disorder. My work here is done. A woman's favorite position is CEO. Ambivalent? Well, yes and no. You look like shit. Is that the style now? Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, except for my friends deep inside the earth. Is it time for your medication or mine? I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted the paychecks. How do I set the laser printer to stun? I'm not tense, just terribly, terribly alert.
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