Ed told me his friend was going thru a divorce and told him, "I call my ex-wife Maranda. She used everything I ever said against me in a court of law."
Diana said, After my recent breakup and the hell I went through, I quickly dropped a few pounds. Not quite Ally-McBeal thin but close. I ran into a friend of mine who was surprised at the quick change and commented, "Damn, you've lost a lot of weight." My response to him, "Yep, lost 220 pounds of fat German bastard".
My good friend Doc was telling me he and his wife were splitting up the debts and assets. The main asset, of course, was the house. My ex's *truly* serious suggestion: "Since the house payment is a little more than the credit card payments, I'll do you a favor and take the house and the house payment and you can take the credit card debt." (Did you divorce Judi, Doc?)
Di's hairdresser friend caught her husband fooling around with a customer and promptly kicked him out. A few days later, she received a call from the woman whom her husband had been fooling around with. The woman said, "I know this is a difficult situation, but does this mean you won't still cut my hair?"
Karen was telling me that her to-be-ex, a police officer, asked the judge to please remind her to re-register a gun he'd given her in her name. "You see, your honor, to buy it, I had to register it in my name." The judge said, "Why's this so important?" "Because, your honor, I don't want to be shot with 'my own gun'." The judge had to hold a piece of paper in front of his face to hide his laughter.
Richard said he had a hat that says, "For sale--Ex Wife. Take over payments."
When Linda was moving out of her place, she'd found a bag of marijuana seeds in the dresser drawer. She tossed 'em out into the raised vegetable beds. "A few months later, a friend called me and told me that my ex had been busted by the cops for growing pot in the back yard!"
Leo said, "It was all going OK until we split the house. Seems I got the OUT-side."
Joan said her ex husband would still come by after their split to do the garden, clean the house. I came home one day to find him there and we had a fight. He sat on the couch and I stood, and we yelled back and forth about how he was no longer welcome in the house. Finally, we calmed down. He apologized for yelling and I apologized for not telling him his right testicle was hanging out of his shorts the whole time we were fighting.
Jodi said: My husband and I are getting a divorce because of religious differences. I'm Methodist and he's Satan.
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