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1. What's the definition of mixed emotions? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

2. What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

3. What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your own vasectomy.

4. What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag? One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with...the other is used to carrrying groceries.

5. Why don't blind people like to sky dive? Because it scares the hell out of the dog.

6. How do you double the value of a yugo? Fill it up with gas.

7. What do the LAPD and the Green Bay Packers have in common? Neither of them can stop a bronco.

8. Have you heard George Harrison's new song? It's called Zip Me Up Before you Go Go.

9. I walked in a bar the other day and ordered a double - The bartender brings out a guy who looks just like me.

10. What is forty foot long and has eight teeth? The front row at a Willie Nelson concert.


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