You might be a liberal if:
* You've ever left your sociology class thinking, "That professor really knows what he/she/it is talking about."
* You associate the words "model American" with "Bill Clinton"
* You think Dan Rather represents media impartiality
* Your response to anything Rush Limbaugh says is, "Well, he's fat."
* The first word in the description of your hair color is "neon"
* You've ever tried to protect the ozone layer
* You've stood for animal rights, but wear leather belts and sandals
* You've ever given a dollar to a bum so he can buy more liquor ... ummm ... food
* You ever use the words "Clarence Thomas" and "Uncle Tom" in the same sentence * you are a vegan
* You have a bumper sticker that says "You Can't Hug With Nuclear Arms" on your car
* You believe diversity represents the extinction of the white race
* You've ever walked around carrying one of those Javahhh mugs
* You pay a 185 percent markup for organically grown food
* You cheered for "Obstructing Justice Simpson" last Tuesday at 1 p.m.
* You don't think it's right to kill rapists and murderers, but do think it's right to kill babies
* You have anything to do with the Compassionate Living Fair
* You want more funding for AIDS research but less for cancer, despite the fact that cancer kills many more people per year
* You have the entire menu at Cup-A-Joe memorized
* You consider yourself open-minded but refuse to listen to anything Jesse Helms has to say
* You abhor censorship unless it's censoring race, religion, Conservatism, Western culture or Rush Limbaugh
* You found yourself unemployed after this past November's election
* You're a dope smoker or a womanizer ... oh, sorry, that's "You might be a Clinton cabinet official if ..."
* You're the dolt who stole the "Helms '96" bumper sticker from my car
* You think the phrase, "... separation of church and state" is in the Constitution
* You cry, "You can't legislate morality," but defend the Roe v. Wade decision in order to legalize your moral position on abortion
* You stay informed by watching MTV News
* You have an "I'm Straight But Not Narrow" button pinned to your book bag
* There is a ring in any part of your head other than your ears
* You think religion is bad for school kids to learn, but think condom giveaways are just what schools need
* You molest campaign workers, then lie about it on national television ... oops, my mistake again, that's "You might be Mel Reynolds if ..."
* You think Jesse Jackson is a good spokesman for the black community
* You think Jesse Jackson is good at anything
* You lie in bed at night worried that Pat Robertson might be out to get you
* You attribute the rising illegitimacy rate, crime rate or problems in the inner city to Ronald Reagan
* You've ever held up a grocery store line trying to pick between plastic, which isn't biodegradable, or paper, which cuts down innocent trees
* You think the National Organization for Women is made up of average heterosexual women with no lesbian agenda
* You're on the committee to construct the Gay Jewish Women's Cultural Center -- there's a slight chance you're a liberal
* You blame Ronald Reagan and George Bush, but not the spend-happy "Democrooks" for the huge national debt
* Banning assault weapons is your solution to end crime (what do you mean punish the criminals?)
* You tell me how to live by telling me I can't tell people how to live
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