1. If using a touch-tone, press random numbers while ordering. Ask the person taking the order to stop doing that.
2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.
3. Use CB lingo where applicable
4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal
5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."
6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.
7. Give them your address & exclaim, "oh, just surprise me!" and hang up.
8. Answer their questions with questions.
9. In your breathiest voice, tell them to cut the crap about nutrition,and ask if they have something outlandishly sinful.
10. Use these bonus words in the conversation: Robust, Free-Spirited, Cost-Efficient, Ukrainian, Puce.
11. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.
12. Sing the order to the tune of your favourite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.
13. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.
14. Put an extra edge into your voice when you say "crazy bread".
15. Stutter on the letter "P".
16. Ask for a deal available somewhere else. (e.g. If phoning Domino's, ask for a Cheeser! Cheeser!)
17. Ask what the order taker is wearing.
18. Crack your knuckles into the receiver.
19. Say hello, act stunned for five seconds, then behave as if they called you.
20. Rattle off your order with a determined air. If they ask if you would like drinks with that, panic and become disoriented.
21. Tell the order taker you're depressed. Get him/her to cheer you up.
22. Make a list of exotic cuisines. Order them as toppings.
23. Change your accent every 3 seconds.
24. Order 52 pepperoni slices prepared in a fractal pattern as follows from an equation you are about to dictate. Ask if they need paper.
25. Act like you know the order taker from somewhere. Say, "Bed-Wetters' Camp, right?"
26. Start your order with "I'd like 85.". A little later, slap yourself and say, "No I don't".
27. If they repeat the order to make sure they have it right, say, "OK. That'll be $10.99; please pull up to the first window".
28. Rent a pizza.
29. Order while using an electric knife sharpener.
30. Ask if you get to keep the pizza box. When they say yes, heave a sigh of relief.
31. Put the accent of the last syllable of "pepperoni" use the long "I" sound
32. Have your pizza,"shaken, not stirred".
33. Say, "Are you sure this is (Pizza place)?? When they say yes, say "Well, so is this! You've got some explaining to do!" When they finally offer proof that it is, in fact, (pizza place), start to cry, and say, "do you know what it's like to be lied to?"
34. Move the mouthpiece farther and farther from your lips as you speak. When the call ends, jerk the mouthpiece back into place and scream goodbye at the top of your lungs.
35. Tell them to double-check to make sure that your pizza is, in fact, dead.
36. Imitate the order taker's voice.
37. Eliminate verbs from your speech.
38. When they say, "What would you like?" say, "Huh? Oh, you mean now."
39. Play a guitar in the background
40. Say it's your anniversary, and you'd appreciate it if the deliverer hid behind some furniture waiting for your spouse to arrive so you can surprise them.
41. Amuse the order taker with little known facts about country music.
42. Ask to see a menu.
43. Quote Carl Sandburg.
44. Say you'll be able to pay for this when the movie people call back.
45. Ask if they have any idea what is at stake with this pizza.
46. Ask what topping goes best with well aged Chardonnay.
47. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.
48. Order a slice, not a whole pizza, and have it be delivered
49. Shout "I'm through with men/women! Send me a dozen of your best, Gaston!"
50. Doze off in the middle of the order, catch yourself, and say, "Where was I? Who are you?"
51. Psychoanalyse the order taker.
52. Ask what their phone number is. Hang up, call them, and ask again.
53. Order 2 toppings, then say, "No, they'll start fighting."
54. Learn to properly pronounce the ingredients of a Twinkie. Ask that these be included in the pizza.
55. Call to complain about service. Later, call to say you were drunk and didn't mean it.
56. Tell the order taker to tell the manager to tell his supervisor he's fired.
57. Report a petty theft to the order taker.
58. Use expletives like "Great Ceaser's Ghost" and "Jesus Joseph and Mary in Tinsel Town"
59. Ask for the guy who took your order last time
60. If he/she suggests anything, adamantly declare, "I shall not be swayed by your sweet words"
61. Wonder aloud if you should trim those nose hairs.
62. Try to talk while drinking something.
63. Start the call with "My call to (pizza place), Take 1, and. Action!"
64. Ask if the pizza is organically grown.
65. Ask about pizza maintenance and repair.
66. Be vague in your order.
67. When they repeat your order, say, "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."
68. If using a touch tone, press 911 every 5 seconds throughout the order.
69. After ordering, say "I wonder what THIS button does?" Simulate a cut-off.
70. Start the conversation by reciting today's date and saying, "this may be my last entry"
71. State your order and say that's as far as the relationship is going to go.
72. Ask if they're familiar with the term "spanking a pizza" Make up a description to go with the term. Ask that this be done to your pizza.
73. Say, "Ksssssssssssssssssssht" rather loudly into the phone.Ask if they felt that.
74. Detect the order taker's psychic aura. Use it to your advantage.
75. When listing toppings you want on your pizza, include another pizza.
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