Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Ken H.

A businessman flew to Vegas for the weekend to gamble. He lost the shirt off his back, and had nothing left but a quarter and the second half of his round-trip ticket. If he could just get to the airport he could get himself home. So he went out to the front of the casino where there was a cab waiting. He got in and explained his situation to the cabbie. He promised to send the driver money from home, he offered him his credit card numbers, his drivers license number, his address, etc. but to no avail. The cabbie said, "If you don't have fifteen dollars, get the hell out of my cab!" So the businessman was forced to hitch-hike to the airport and was barely in time to catch his flight. One year later the businessman, having worked long and hard to regain his financial success, returned to Vegas and this time he won big. Feeling pretty good about himself, he went out to the front of the casino to get a cab ride back to the airport. Well who should he see out there, at the end of a long line of cabs, but his old buddy who had refused to give him a ride when he was down on his luck. The businessman thought for a moment about how he could make the guy pay for his lack of charity, and he hit on a plan. The businessman got in the first cab in the line, "How much for a ride to the airport," he asked? "Fifteen bucks," came the reply. "And how much for you to give me a blow-job on the way?" "What?!!! Get the hell out of my cab." The businessman got into the back of each cab in the long line and asked the same questions, with the same result. When he got to his old friend at the back of the line, he got in and asked, "How much for a ride to the airport?" The cabbie replied, "fifteen bucks." The businessman said, "OK" and off they went. Then, as they drove slowly past the long line of cabs the businessman gave a big smile and thumbs up sign to each driver.

funniness: 8.10

rating: R

Permalink...

kieran c.

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day my finance's little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside. With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family." The moral of this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car.

funniness: 8.57

rating: PG-13

Permalink...

nathan s.

Why is it that lemon dishsoap is made with real lemons, but lemon juice is artificial flavoring? Why are they called goose bumps? Do geese get people bumps? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp which no decent human being would eat? Do vampires get AIDS? Why are SOFTballs hard? If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, would someone else make a sound ? Why does mineral water that has "trickled through mountains for centuries" go out of date next year? Why is it called a "drive through" if you have to stop? In France do people just ask for toast and get French toast? or do they have to ask for American toast? If a transport truck carrying a load of cars gets into a car accident, does it increase the number of the cars in the pile-up? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? If croutons are stale bread, why do they come in airtight packages? What do you call a female daddy long legs? Do they have the word "dictionary" in the dictionary? Don't you find it worrying that doctors call treating you their "practice" ? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? What ever happened to an E grade? We have A,B,C,D,F but no E. Isn't it kind of ominous to put your tax returns in the mail box and put up the little red flag? Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Why is Grape Nuts cereal called that, when it contains neither grapes, nor nuts? If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them? If Dracula has no reflection, how comes he always had such a straight parting in his hair? Why do they put "for indoor or outdoor use only" on Christmas lights? Does the President have to pay taxes? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? If you mated a bull dog and a shitsu, would it be called a bullshit? How fast do hotcakes sell? If you wore a teflon suit, could you ever end up in a sticky situation? Why is an alarm clock going "off" when it actually turns on? Why are semi-trucks bigger than regular trucks? What is a male ladybug called? Since we see little birdies when we just get knocked out, what do little birdies see when they just get knocked out?? If a person owns a piece of land do they own it all the way down to the core of the earth? Can a guy named Nick have a 'nick'name? Do cows drink milk? How come some Little Debbie snack cakes come in a twin pack and others are wrapped individually? Why is it called football when you hardly use your feet? Why do they call it an escalator if it takes you down? How did the headless horseman know where he was going? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be? Why is it called a TV set when there is only one? Why would superman want to leap over the tallest building in a single bound if he can fly? How do they get those boats in those glass bottles? If someone can't see, they're blind and if someone cant hear, they're deaf, so what do you call people who can't smell? Why is the name of the phobia for the fear of long words Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia? Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane? Why do they call it "head over heels in love" If our head is always over our heels? Why do they call them guidance counselors when all counselors do is offer guidance? Why do British people never sound British when they sing? How come no matter what color the liquid is the froth is always white? Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body? If you tell someone they are being judgmental aren't you being judgmental yourself? Why do they call it a RUNNING BACK when he is running forward? Why does everyone speak different languages and have different accents if we all originally came from the same place? Why is it we have the weight of the world on our shoulders but have to get it off our chests? If you decide that you're indecisive, which one are you? If an anarchist group attained political power, would they by principle have to dissolve their own government? If Luke took a bath, would the water be lukewarm? Why doesn't the glue in the bottle dry up? Why do the call the angel of death an angel if all it does is bring pain and suffering? How do you handcuff a one-armed man? Can blind people be dyslexic when they read Braille? Why do we say "bye bye" but not "hi hi"? Why is it you can walk down a road, even if it goes uphill? If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says, "it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles? If you're caught "between a rock and a hard place", is the rock not hard? If your born at exactly midnight is your birthday on both those days? Do the different "M&M's"? colors taste different? Why don't you hear thunder with heat lightning? Why do donuts have holes? Why can't you eat pancakes for dinner? Why do we feel blue? and what color does a smurf feel when they are down? what does the K in K-mart actually stand for? What does OK actually mean? If the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into? If you were on a plane going the speed of sound and walked from the back of the plane to the front, would you be walking faster than the speed of sound? In some books, why do they have blank pages at the very end? Why does caregiver and caretaker mean the same thing? Why are things typed up but written down? Why do old men have hair in their ears? Why in baseball is it called the World Series if it is only played in the U.S.A & Canada? How do you throw away a garbage can? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Why do they call them "Animal Crackers" when there not even crackers...they're cookies? Why does "closing up" a shop and "closing down" a shop mean the same thing? If it is a 50 mph per hour wind and you drive your car at 50mph downwind, if you stick your head outside would you feel the wind? If you have x-ray vision, and you can see through anything, wouldn't you see through everything and actually see nothing?

funniness: 8.38

rating: PG

Permalink...

James L.

funniness: 9.11

rating: G

Permalink...

Adrian M.

Too true

funniness: 8.29

rating: G

Permalink...

Nonya B.

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment then said, "So why the groom wearing black?" A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again! As she ran she once again began to pray "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!" Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!" An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, "They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead." A police recruit was asked during the exam, "What would you do if you had to arrest your own mother?" He answered, "Call for backup." A Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied, "They couldn't get a baby-sitter." A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, "Thou shall not kill." At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I'm going to have a wife." Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your Dad." You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing! Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.

Cute... =)

funniness: 8.47

rating: G

Permalink...

lochard d.

funniness: 9.66

rating: G

Permalink...

Moe R.

funniness: 8.72

rating: PG-13

Permalink...

Moe R.

funniness: 9.55

rating: PG-13

Permalink...

Moe R.

funniness: 9.53

rating: G

Permalink...