Gerard W.

THIS is why ya gotta go to school, peeps. ACTUAL label instructions on ACTUAL...well, stuff. -On a blanket from Taiwan - NOT TO BE USED AS PROTECTION FROM A TORNADO. -On a Taiwanese shampoo - USE REPEATEDLY FOR SEVERE DAMAGE. -On the bottle-top of a (UK) flavored milk drink - AFTER OPENING, KEEP UPRIGHT. - On a New Zealand insect spray - THIS PRODUCT NOT TESTED ON ANIMALS. -In a US guide to setting up a new computer - TO AVOID CONDENSATION FORMING, ALLOW THE BOXES TO WARM UP TO ROOM TEMPERATURE BEFORE OPENING. (Sensible, but the instruction was INSIDE the box.) -In some countries, on the bottom of Coke bottles - OPEN OTHER END. -On a Sears hairdryer - DO NOT USE WHILE SLEEPING. -On a bag of Frito's - YOU COULD BE A WINNER! NO PURCHASE NECESSARY. DETAILS INSIDE. (The shoplifter special?!?) -On a bar of Dial soap - DIRECTIONS - USE LIKE REGULAR SOAP. (And that would be how?) -On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of the box) - DO NOT TURN UPSIDE DOWN. (Too late! You lose!) -On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding - PRODUCT WILL BE HOT AFTER HEATING. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.) -On a Korean kitchen knife - WARNING: KEEP OUT OF CHILDREN. (Gosh Darnit-all! Who are they to tell me what to do with my kids?) -On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights - FOR INDOOR OR OUTDOOR USE ONLY. (As opposed to what?...Use in outer space?) -On a Japanese food processor - NOT TO BE USED FOR THE OTHER USE. (Now I'm curious.) -On Sainsbury's peanuts - WARNING - CONTAINS NUTS. (Really? Peanuts contain nuts?) -On an American Airlines packet of nuts INSTRUCTIONS - OPEN PACKET, EAT NUTS. (I'm glad they cleared that up.) -On a Swedish chainsaw - DO NOT ATTEMPT TO STOP CHAIN WITH YOUR HANDS OR *sensitive areas*. (What kind of consumer phone-call led to this warning?) -On a child's superman costume - WEARING OF THIS GARMENT DOES NOT ENABLE YOU TO FLY. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood fantasy!) -On some frozen dinners: SERVING SUGGESTION: DEFROST. ( OK, Let's eat it frozen!!!) -On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: FITS ONE HEAD. -On packaging for a Rowenta iron: DO NOT IRON CLOTHES ON BODY. -On Boot's "Children's" cough medicine: DO NOT DRIVE CAR OR OPERATE MACHINERY. (Kids, no more driving.) -On Nightly sleep aid: WARNING: MAY CAUSE DROWSINESS. (ORLY?!) Kudos to Kit (friend of mine)