Mo m.

Message From The Bar Staff Please remember to order one drink at a time as we like to run backwards and forwards, it keeps us fit. When ordering a round please make sure that you don't know what you want when you arrive at the bar. We like to stand and wait while you nip back & forth or shout across the room to find out, (although we do find that other customers who have been waiting for 1/2 an hour tend to start moaning, but hey, that's not your problem!) Once you have received two drinks please take them back to your table and stay for a quick chat before coming back to pay. We'll still be waiting, we're not going anywhere and we appreciate the rest. Always order stout last. We really want you to stand at the bar with all your other drinks while it settles, and are particularly pleased when we forget about it and have to be reminded to top it up. Never put money in our hands. We like to pick it up off the bar, especially if it's all in change in a puddle of beer. Never say please or thank you - the shock could bring on a heart attack. Always wait until we have rung your round into the till before asking for crisps, nuts, snacks etc. When requiring Ready Salted crisps please ensure that you ask for the full range of flavors available before asking for 'plain' - it helps us learn the stock. If you have been waiting at the bar for at least two minutes please heckle us and tell us you have been there for 1/2 an hour - it keeps us on our toes as we have no concept of time. Can we remind you that the bell is there just to make sure you are awake - we don't want you to come to the bar for last orders until two minutes past eleven when we have turned the lights off. If not 'of the faith' when spotting the water jug on the bar please shout ' what's that, holy water?' - although we have heard it a million times before we never cease to find it hilarious. When buying a pint for Tom, Colin etc. please don't ask them what they want - just tell us their name and point out where they're standing because we like to guess and get such a thrill when we get it right.

funniness: 8.37

rating: PG