Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Virginia M.

WEST VIRGINIA GHOST STORY This happened about a month ago just outside a little town in the low country of West Virginia, and while it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale, it's real. A guy was on the side of the road hitchhiking on a really dark night in the middle of a thunder storm. Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could hardly see his hand in front of his face. Suddenly he saw a car moving slowly, approaching and appearing ghostlike in the rain. It slowly crept toward him and stopped. Wanting a ride really bad, the guy jumped in the car and closed the door, only then did he realize that there was nobody behind the wheel. The car slowly started moving and the guy was terrified, too scared to think of jumping out and running. The guy saw that the car was slowly approaching a sharp curve, still too scared to jump out, he started to pray and begging for his life; he was sure the ghost car would go off the road and into the marsh and he would surely drown, when just before the curve, a hand appeared through the driver's window and turned the steering wheel, guiding the car safely around the bend. Paralyzed with fear, the guy watched the hand reappear every time they reached a curve. Finally the guy, scared to near death, had all he could take and jumped out of the car and ran to town. Wet and in shock, he went into a bar and voice quavering, ordered two shots of whiskey, then told everybody about his supernatural experience. A silence enveloped and everybody got goose bumps when they realized the guy was telling the truth and was not just some drunk. About half an hour later two guys walked into the bar and one says to the other: "Look Bubba, there's that idiot who rode in our car when we were pushing it in the rain."

funniness: 8.36

rating: PG

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stacy w.

The below questions are from a 10 year old kid who drove a Harvard Professor nuts! Can you cry under water? How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to? Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? Why does a round pizza come in a square box? What disease did cured ham actually have? How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake uplike every two hours? If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV? Why do people pay to go up tall buildings & then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for Miss America? Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out!" Or watch a white thing come out a chicken rear and think, "that ought to taste good" Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? When your photo is taken for your driver's license, why do they tell you to smile? If you are stopped by the police and asked for your license, are you going to be smiling? If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him? Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane? If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut,why can't he fix a hole in a boat? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs! What do you call male ballerinas? Can blind people see their dreams? Do they dream? If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner? If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables,what is baby oil made from? If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? Is Disney World the only people trap operated by a mouse? Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune? Why did you just try singing the two songs above? Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt? Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window? How do flies get stuck in lights? There closed up.

funniness: 8.35

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.17

rating: R

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Moe R.

PETER KAY ONE LINERS I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?' When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me. I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming. I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance. A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals. Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way. My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade. S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good partner, you better have a good hand. I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said 'Are you going to help?' I said 'No, six should be enough.' If we aren't supposed to eat animals, then why are they made out of meat? I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers. I was the kid next door's imaginary friend. Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.. PETER KAY'S UNIVERSAL TRUTHS Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones. At the end of every party there is always a girl crying. Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl. You never know where to look when eating a banana. You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses. Its impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee. Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad. SOME GREAT QUESTIONS BROUGHT TO YOU BY PETER KAY Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed? Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Peter and I am an alcoholic'? Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside? Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer? Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries have a 'use by' date? Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat? Is French kissing in France just called kissing? Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'llsqueeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out'? What do people in China call their good quality plates? Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is? What do you call male ballerinas? Why is a person that handles your money called a 'Broker'? If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests? Why is it that when someone tells you that there are over a billion stars in the universe, you believe them, but if they tell you there is wet paint somewhere, you have to touch it to make sure.

funniness: 9.33

rating: PG

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lochard d.

funniness: 9.66

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.81

rating: PG

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Mo m.

A Perfect Day Her Perfect Day... 0815 Wake up to hugs and kisses. 0830 Weigh in 2kg lighter than yesterday. 0845 Breakfast in bed - freshly squeezed orange juice and 0915 Soothing hot bath with frangipani oil. 1000 Light workout at club with handsome, funny personal trainer. 1030 Facial, manicure, shampoo, condition, blow dry. 1200 Lunch with best friend at fashionable outdoor cafe. 1245 Catch sight of husband/boyfriend's ex and notice she has gained 7kg 1300 Shopping with friends - unlimited credit. 1500 Nap. 1600 3 dozen roses delivered by florist, card from a secret admirer. 1615 Light workout at club, followed by massage from strong but gentle hunk who says he rarely gets to work on such a perfect body. 1730 Choose outfit from expensive designer wardrobe, parade before full length mirror. 1930 Candle lit dinner for two followed by dancing with compliments received from other diners/guests. 2200 Hot shower (alone). 2240 Pillow talk, light touching and cuddling. 2315 Fall asleep in his big strong arms. His Perfect Day... 0600 Alarm. 0615 Blow job. 0630 Massive satisfying dump while reading the sports section. 0700 Breakfast - rump steak and eggs, coffee and toast, all cooked by naked, buxom wench. 0730 Limo arrives. 0745 Several whiskeys en-route to airport. 0815 Flight in personal Lear jet. 0930 Limo to St. Andrews (blow job en-route). 0945 Play front nine (2 under). 1145 Lunch - pie, chips and gravy. 3 lagers & bottle of Dom Perignon. 1215 Blow job 1230 Play back nine (4 under). 1415 Limo back to airport (several whiskeys). 1430 Fly to Monte Carlo. 1600 Late afternoon fishing with female crew (all nude). 1630 Land world record Marlin (1245lbs) - on light tackle. 1700 Fly home - massage and hand job by naked Elle McPherson. 1845 Shit, shower and shave. 1900 Watch news - Michael Jackson murdered, marijuana and porn legalized. 1930 Dinner - lobster appetizers, Dom Perignon 1953, big juicy fillet steak, followed by ice cream served on a pair of tits. 2100 Napoleon brandy and Cuban cigar in front of wall sized TV as you watch the superbowl. 2130 Sex with 3 women (all with lesbian tendencies). 2300 Massage and Jacuzzi with tasty pizza snacks and cleansing ale. 2330 Final blow job. 2345 In bed alone. 2350 A 12 second fart which changes note 4 times and forces the dog to leave the room. 2351 Laugh self to sleep

funniness: 8.30

rating: R

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Julie J.

funniness: 8.10

rating: PG-13

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Eric P.

funniness: 9.47

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.84

rating: PG

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