Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Moe R.

Are you tired of all those "frienship" poems that always sound good but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a "friendship" poem that relly speaks to true friendship and truth itself. My Friend... When you are sad, I will get you drunk and help you plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad. When you are blue, I'll dislodge whatever is choking you. When you smile, I'll know you finally got laid. When you are scared, I will rag you about it every chance I get. When you are worried, I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it can be and to quit whining. When you are confused, I will use little words to explain it to your sorry ass. When you are sick, stay away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have. When you fall, I will point and laugh at your sorry ass. This is my oath, I pledge till the end. Why you may ask? Because you're my friend. Send this poem to ten of your closest friends and get depressed because you realize you only have 2 friends, and one of them is not speaking to you right now anyway.

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG

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Paul B.

One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their fathers did for a living. All the typical answers came up -- fireman, mechanic, businessman, salesman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his father, he replied, "My father's an exotic dancer in a gay cabaret and takes off all his clothes in front of other men and they put money in his underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, he will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money." The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, "Is that really true about your father?" "No," the boy said, "He works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids."

funniness: 8.09

rating: PG

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eric h.

If you are under the age of 13 you should not read this, and if you do, you should not repost this. Just because you were born in '97 doesn't mean you're a 90's kid. It's not like you could remember the original Simpsons. I am sorry but three conscious years of the 90's just wont cut it. You're a 90's kid if: You can finish this [ice ice _ _ _ _ ] You remember watching: -Doug -Ren & Stimpy -Pinky and the Brain -AAAAAAAH Real Monsters! -Rockos modern Life. -Cow & Chicken You've ever ended a sentence with the word "PSYCHE!" You just cant resist finishing this . . . "Iiiiiiin west philidelphia born and raised . . ." You remember: -TGIF -Step by Step -Family Matters -Dinosaurs -Boy Meets World. You remember when it was actually worth getting up early on a Saturday to watch cartoons. You got super excited when it was Oregon Trail day in computer class at school. You remember reading "Goosebumps" You took plastic cartoon lunch boxes to school. You still get the urge to say "NOT" after (almost) every sentence . . . not when everyhting was settled by: -rock paper scissors or -bubble gum bubble gum in a dish or -daddy had a donkey inky binky bonky. Inka binka bottle of ink when cops and robbers was a daily activity. Having a pool in your backyard was a rare comodity when we played Hide and go seek until our legs grew numb. when we used to obey our parents You used to listen to the radio all day long just to record your FAVORITE song of ALL time. "Where in the World is Carmen San Diego?" was both a game and a TV game show. Captain Planet. He's our Hero. You knew that Kimberly, the pink ranger, and Tommy, the green ranger, were meant to be together. You remember when Super Nintendos and Sega Genisis became popular. and all the good games are 2d You always wanted to send in a tape to America's Funniest Home Videos . . . but never taped anything funny. You remember watching Home Alone 1, 2 , and 3 . . . and tried to pull the pranks on "intruders" You remember watching: -The Magic School Bus -Wishbone -Reading Rainbow on PBS. You remember when Yo-Yos were cool. and board games were chutes and ladders,candy land. back off buzzard, dont wake daddy and guess who You remember those Where's Waldo books. You remember eating Warheads. You remember watching: -the 1st Batman -Aladdin -Ninja Turtles -3 Ninjas movies. You remember Ring Pops. You remember the need to own an adidas jacket and clompy skate shoes. You remember drinking Surge, and Tang. Oh, oh, oh! and JOSTA!!! If you remember when every thing was "da BOMB!" and you knew what to do when someone held out their fist and said "give me bumps" When they made the new lunchables so that you could make pizza AND tacos. You remember boom boxes vs. cd players. Making those little paper cootie catcher things, and then predicting your life with them. You played and/or collected "Pogs" :) You had at least one Tamagotchi, GigaPet, or Nano and brought it everywhere. . . . Furbies (yes, we hated them THEN, too). light brights You haven't always had a computer, and it was cool to have the internet. And Windows 95 was the best. You watched the original cartoons of Rugrats, Power Rangers, and Ninja Turtles. Michael Jordan was a king. YIKES pencils and erasers were the stuff! All your school supplies were "Lisa Frank" brand. You remember when the new Beanie Babies and Talking Elmo were always sold out. You collected those Beanie Babies. Carebears Gak was the coolest stuff invented. Lambchop's song never ended. The old dollar bills. Silver dollars, which were cool to have. You remember a time before the WB. You collected all the Troll dolls If you even know what an original walkman is. You remember wanting to sit on the orange Nickelodeon couch. You've gotten creeped out by "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" You know the Macarena by heart. "Talk to the hand" . . . enough said You always said, "Then why don't you marry it!" You went to McDonald's to play in the playplace. You remember playing on merry go rounds at the playground. Before the MySpace frenzy . . . Before the Internet & text messaging . . . Before Sidekicks & iPods . . . Before MIKE JONES . . . Before PlayStation2 or X-BOX . . . Before Spongebob . . . Back when you put off the 5 hours of homework you had every night. When light up sneakers were cool. When you rented VHS tapes, not DVDs. When gas was $0.95 a gallon & Caller ID was a new thing. When we recorded stuff on VCRs. When the spice girls were cool. The rise of boybands. When starwars was still cool When we called the radio station to request songs to hear off of our walkman. When checking out drawing books and that one book about the rainbow fish from the library was THE cool thing to do. You had slap braclets! Way back. Before we realized all this would eventually disappear. Who would have thought you'd miss the 90's so much!!!!!

funniness: 8.26

rating: G

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Moe R.

"You must be at Least this tall to enjoy this ride"

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- An elderly couple had dinner at another couple's house, and after eating, the wives left the table and went into the kitchen. The two gentlemen were talking, and one said, "Last night we went out to a new restaurant and it was really great. I would recommend it very highly." The other man said, "What is the name of the restaurant?" The first man thought and thought and finally said, "What is the name of that flower you give to someone you love? You know, the one that's red and has thorns." "Do you mean a rose?" "Yes, that's the one," replied the man. He then turned towards the kitchen and yelled, "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy, "So I hear you're getting married?" "Yep!" "Do I know her?" "Nope!" "This woman, is she good looking?" "Not really." "Is she a good cook?" "Naw, she can't cook too well." "Does she have lots of money?" "Nope! Poor as a church mouse." "Well, then, is she good in bed?" "I don't know." "Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" "Because she can still drive!" -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- A man was telling his neighbor, "I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art. It's perfect." "Really," answered the neighbor . "What kind is it?" "Twelve thirty." -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" Morris replied, "Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.' " The doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.' "

funniness: 8.30

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.40

rating: PG-13

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.56

rating: PG

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woo p.

[Note] The source below is from http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847 Below is the complete email conversation that Adelaide man David Thorne claims he had with a utility company chasing payment of an overdue bill. From: Jane Gilles Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.19pm To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David, Our records indicate that your account is overdue by the amount of $233.95. If you have already made this payment please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Wednesday 8 Oct 2008 12.37pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, I do not have any money so am sending you this drawing I did of a spider instead. I value the drawing at $233.95 so trust that this settles the matter. Regards, David. The picture of the spider with 7 legs : http://news.ninemsn.com.au/img/2008/national/spider.jpg From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.07am To: David Thorne Subject: Overdue account Dear David, Thankyou for contacting us. Unfortunately we are unable to accept drawings as payment and your account remains in arrears of $233.95. Please contact us within the next 7 days to confirm payment has been applied to your account and is no longer outstanding. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 10.32am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, Can I have my drawing of a spider back then please. Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.42am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear David, You emailed the drawing to me. Do you want me to email it back to you? Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 11.56am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Dear Jane, Yes please. Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles Date: Thursday 9 Oct 2008 12.14pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Overdue account Attached [Same picture of the spider with 7 legs] From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 09.22am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Whose spider is that? Dear Jane, Are you sure this drawing of a spider is the one I sent you? This spider only has seven legs and I do not feel I would have made such an elementary mistake when I drew it. Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.03am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Whose spider is that? Dear David, Yes it is the same drawing. I copied and pasted it from the email you sent me on the 8th. David your account is still overdue by the amount of $233.95. Please make this payment as soon as possible. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.05am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Automated Out of Office Response Thankyou for contacting me. I am currently away on leave, traveling through time and will be returning last week. Regards, David. From: David Thorne Date: Friday 10 Oct 2008 11.08am To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? Hello, I am back and have read through your emails and accept that despite missing a leg, that drawing of a spider may indeed be the one I sent you. I realise with hindsight that it is possible you rejected the drawing of a spider due to this obvious limb ommission but did not point it out in an effort to avoid hurting my feelings. As such, I am sending you a revised drawing with the correct number of legs as full payment for any amount outstanding. I trust this will bring the matter to a conclusion. Regards, David. [Picture of spider with 8 legs now] http://news.ninemsn.com.au/img/2008/national/spider2.jpg From: Jane Gilles Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 2.51pm To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? Dear David, As I have stated, we do not accept drawings in lei of money for accounts outstanding. We accept cheque, bank cheque, money order or cash. Please make a payment this week to avoid incurring any additional fees. Yours sincerely, Jane Gilles From: David Thorne Date: Monday 13 Oct 2008 3.17pm To: Jane Gilles Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? I understand and will definately make a payment this week if I remember. As you have not accepted my second drawing as payment, please return the drawing to me as soon as possible. It was silly of me to assume I could provide you with something of completely no value whatsoever, waste your time and then attach such a large amount to it. Regards, David. From: Jane Gilles Date: Tuesday 14 Oct 2008 11.18am To: David Thorne Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Whose spider is that? Attached [Picture of spider with 8 legs] PRICELESS! As above, this is the source originally from : http://news.ninemsn.com.au/article.aspx?id=665847

funniness: 9.32

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.91

rating: PG-13

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Rob O.

So Little Johnny and his grandfather go fishing one summer day. They get to the lake early, and after an hour or so, Johnny's grandfather pulls out a Cuban cigar and begins smoking it. Johnny watches in fascination for a moment before asking, "Grampa what's that?" "Why Johnny, that's a cigar. Men smoke cigars." "Well, can I try it?" Grandpa thought for a moment, then replied "I don't know Johnny, can you touch your dick to your asshole?" "Why no Grandpa". "Then you're not a man, so you can't smoke a cigar." They continued fishing for awhile, and shortly thereafter, Grandpa reaches into his cooler and grabs a beer. He pops the top, and takes a long swig, only to hear Johnny ask, "What's that Grandpa?" "This is a beer, Johnny," he replied. "Men drink beer." "Can I try it?" "Well, Johnny, can you touch your dick to your asshole?" Johnny sighed, "Of course not grandpa." "Then you're not a man, and you cannot have beer." Not long after that, Johnny gets hungry, and reaches into his cooler and pulls out a ginormous sub. He heartily takes a bite. "Well now, Johnny, what you got there?" Grandpa asked. "A sub sammich". "Can I have some of that?" Johnny chewed in silence for a minute and then asked, "Well grandpa, can you touch your dick to your asshole?" Ever the smart one, Grandpa replied, "Of course I can Johnny, I'm a man!!" Johnny then smirked and said, "Then you can go fuck yourself, Gramma made this for me!!"

funniness: 9.50

rating: PG-13

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