Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Toni W.

To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we??Love, Your Hubby ********************** To My Dearest Husband, I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year: Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times Did not come home at all - 36 times Did not come - 21 times Came too soon - 38 times Went soft before you got it in - 19 times Cramps in your leg - 16 times Working too late - 33 times You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?" Love, Your Wife

funniness: 8.45

rating: PG-13

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eric h.

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador Retriever in the middle seat next to the man. The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog was allowed on the plane. The second man explained that he was a DEA agent and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. "His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work." The plane took off, and once it has leveled out, the agent said, "Watch this." He told Sniffer to "search". Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds. Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the agent's arm. The agent said, "Good boy", and he turned to the man and said, "That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. "Say, that's pretty neat," replied the first man. Once again, the agent sent Sniffer to search the aisles. The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's arm. The agent said, "That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police." "I like it!" said his seat mate. The agent then told Sniffer to "search" again. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place. The first man was really grossed out by this behavior and couldn't figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the agent "What's going on?" The agent nervously replied, "He just found a bomb." http://www.blue-hamster.com

funniness: 8.40

rating: PG

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Moe R.

A farm girl from Saskatchewan walks into a bar in Calgary and orders three mugs of Bud. She sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When she finishes them, she comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the farm girl, 'You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time.' The farm girl replies, 'Well, you see, I have two sisters. One is in Australia, the other is in Cranbrook . When we all left our home in Saskatchewan, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my sisters and one for myself.' The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The farm girl becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks the same way. She orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, she comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When she comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, 'I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss.' The farm girl looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in her eyes and she laughs.'Oh, no, everybody's just fine,' she explains, 'It's just that my husband and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking. Hasn't affected my sisters though.'

funniness: 9.11

rating: PG

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Jay88 M.

"how may i help you?" "a portion of windows plz" lol

funniness: 8.14

rating: PG

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Samantha A.

hahahaha scary

funniness: 8.89

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.47

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.07

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.87

rating: PG

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L L.

funniness: 8.20

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.23

rating: PG-13

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