Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

Virginia M.

A cabbie picks up a nun. She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her. She asks him why he is staring. He replies: "I have a question to ask, but I don't want to offend you." She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive. "Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me." She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that... 1) you have to be single and 2) you must be Catholic." The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!" "OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley." The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. "My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?" "Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party!"

funniness: 8.52

rating: PG

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Virginia M.

Saturday morning I got up early, put on my long johns, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. There was snow mixed with the rain, and the wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible." She sleepily replied, "Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that crap?"

funniness: 8.71

rating: PG

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kristin p.

An Italian man wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Without numbers?" the Italian says, "Data easy." and he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make a nine," says the Italian. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." The Italian stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees isa dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this Italian, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." The Italian stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hundred." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" (You're going to love this one!!!) The Italian leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doga came along and crapa by eacha tree. So now you gota dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, data makea one hundred. So, when I'm a gonna start?"

funniness: 8.53

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.51

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.24

rating: PG-13

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Moe R.

Why, Why, Why, Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are almost dead? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do banks charge a fee on 'insufficient funds' when they already know there is not enough money? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars; but have to check when you say the paint is still wet? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Whose idea was it to put an 'S' in the word 'lisp'? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If people evolved from apes, why are there still ape s? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, 'It's all right?' Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, 'That really hurt, why don't you watch where you're goin g?' -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- How come you never hear father-in-law jokes? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- And my FAVORITE...... The statistics on sanity is that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

funniness: 8.93

rating: G

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Vasiliy O.

funniness: 8.60

rating: PG-13

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Eric P.

funniness: 8.63

rating: PG

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.60

rating: PG

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Rebekah R.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly. Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas. Chuck Norris once worked as a weatherman for the San Diego evening news. Every night he would make the same forecast: Partly cloudy with a 75% chance of Pain. Simply by pulling on both ends, Chuck Norris can stretch diamonds back into coal. When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down. Chuck Norris invented the bolt-action rifle, liquor, sexual intercourse, and football-- in that order. A high tide means Chuck Norris is flying over your coast. The tide is caused by God pissing his pants. Chuck Norris keeps his friends close and his enemies closer. Close enough to drop them with one round house kick to the face. There is in fact an ?I? in Norris, but there is no ?team?? not even close. Scotty in Star Trek often says ?Ye cannae change the laws of physics.? This is untrue. Chuck Norris can change the laws of physics. With his fists. Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks. Using his trademark roundhouse kick, Chuck Norris once made a fieldgoal in RJ Stadium in Tampa Bay from the 50 yard line of Qualcomm stadium in San Diego. Chuck Norris roundhouse kicks don't really kill people. They wipe out their entire existence from the space-time continuum. Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold. Tom Clancy has to pay royalties to Chuck Norris because "The Sum of All Fears" is the name of Chuck Norris' autobiography. Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door. Chuck Norris is expected to win gold in every swimming competition at the 2008 Beijing Olympics, even though Chuck Norris does not swim. This is because when Chuck Norris enters the water, the water gets out of his way and Chuck Norris simply walks across the pool floor. Chuck Norris built a better mousetrap, but the world was too frightened to beat a path to his door. The original draft of The Lord of the Rings featured Chuck Norris instead of Frodo Baggins. It was only 5 pages long, as Chuck roundhouse-kicked Sauron?s ass halfway through the first chapter. Hellen Keller's favorite color is Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life." If, by some incredible space-time paradox, Chuck Norris would ever fight himself, he'd win. Period. Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you. The crossing lights in Chuck Norris's home town say "Die slowly" and "die quickly". They each have a picture of Chuck Norris punching or kicking a pedestrian. Science Fact: Roundhouse kicks are comprised primarily of an element called Chucktanium. The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris proved that we are alone in the universe. We weren't before his first space expedition. Superman once watched an episode of Walker, Texas Ranger. He then cried himself to sleep. Chuck Norris doesn't step on toes. Chuck Norris steps on necks. The movie "Delta Force" was extremely hard to make because Chuck had to downplay his abilities. The first few cuts were completely unbelievable. Movie trivia: The movie "Invasion U.S.A." is, in fact, a documentary. Chuck Norris does not "style" his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror. There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up. A study showed the leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. Cancer It's widely believed that Jesus was Chuck Norris' stunt double for crucifixion due to the fact that it is impossible for nails to pierce Chuck Norris' skin. Chuck Norris did in fact, build Rome in a day. Along with his black belt, Chuck Norris often chooses to wear brown shoes. No one has DARED call him on it. Ever. Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place. Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back. Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris once sued Burger King after they refused to put razor wire in his Whopper Jr, insisting that that actually is "his" way. The last thing you hear before Chuck Norris gives you a roundhouse kick? No one knows because dead men tell no tales. Chuck Norris doesn't play god. Playing is for children. Chuck Norris is the only person in the world that can actually email a roundhouse kick. Chuck Norris won super bowls VII and VIII singlehandedly before unexpectedly retiring to pursue a career in ass-kicking. Wo hu cang long. The translation from Mandarin Chinese reads: "Crouching Chuck, Hidden Norris" Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg. 'Icy-Hot' is too weak for Chuck Norris. After a workout, Chuck Norris rubs his muscles down with liquid-hot MAGMA. Chuck Norris cannot love, he can only not kill. When Chuck Norris was a baby, he didn't suck his mother's breast. His mother served him whiskey, straight out of the bottle. According to Einstein's theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. Chuck Norris once pulled out a single hair from his beard and skewered three men through the heart with it. In an act of great philanthropy, Chuck made a generous donation to the American Cancer Society. He donated 6,000 dead bodies for scientific research. Chuck Norris? favourite cut of meat is the roundhouse. When J. Robert Oppenheimer said "I am become death, the destroyer Of worlds", He was not referring to the atomic bomb. He was referring to the Chuck Norris halloween costume he was wearing. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as

funniness: 8.06

rating: PG

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