Funny.com. Work in progress... In the meantime, here are 10 random funny stuff for you:

A R.

These are actual jokes told by comedians. I DID NOT MAKE THEM UP! They were from a joke book. Enjoy! 1. Somebody just gave me a shower radio. Thanks a lot. Do you really want music in the shower? I guess there's no better place to dance than a slick surface next to a glass door. -Jerry Seinfeld (on music) 2. Never raise your hand to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected. -Red Buttons (on spanking) 3. I never met anyone who thought southern is the world's most intelligent-sounding accent. None of us would want to hear our brain surgeon say, "Aright...what we gon' do is saw the top of yer head off, root around in 'er with a stick, and see if we cain't find that dadburned clot." You say, "No thanks, I'll just die, okay?" -Jeff Foxworthy (on Accents) 4. I got into a car wreck when I was twenty-two. Hit a damn lake. I thought the road was slick. State trooper sloshing up to my car asks me, "Have you been drinking?" How many sober people do you know who slam into lakes? "No, I ran out of gas. I could have made it across with a full tank." -Kenny Rogerson (on Accidents) 5. I became a mom six months ago. I adopted a highway. I'm trying to teach it to pick up after itself. -Nancy Jo Perdue (on Adoption) 6. I discovered my wife in bed with another man. I was crushed. So I said, "Get off me, you two!" -Emo Philips (on Adultery) 7. The basic beer ad: big-breasted babes in bikinis. Beer won't get you babes. But if you drink enough, you think they're babe. And if you drink more, you grow your own breasts. -Norman K. (on Advertising) 8. Just after my thirtieth birthday, instead of growing hair on my head, I now was growing it in places where I didn't need it, like the top of my ear. A strand had sprouted there overnight and made me looke like something out of The Cat in the Hat. -Bill Cosby (on Aging) 9. I hate flying in small planes. In the airport you see, "Flight 109: Departures, Arrivals--Odds." -Billy Crystal (on Airplanes) 10. Booze makes you loud. It's written on the label, "Alcohol percent by volume." -Mark Lundholm (on Alcohol) 11. We get upset when dolphins get caught in tuna nets, but no one cares about the ten thousand dead tuna. Because they're not cute. Dophins, on the other hand, have that great round, smiling face, the friendly eyes, the bald head. They look like you uncle Marvin. We can't slaughter anything that might show up for the holidays. -Paul Reiser (on Animal Rights) 12. If you look at a platypus, you think that God might get stoned---"Okay, let's take a beaver and put on a duck's bill. It's a mammal, but it lays eggs. Hey Darwin! Kiss my ass!" -Robin Williams (on Animals) 13. I always wanted to be the last man on earth, just to see if all those women were lying to me. -Ronnie Shakes (on Apocalypse) 14. I'm taking an art class and the nude model quit. Because I like to finger paint. -Wendy Liebman (on Art) 15. I'm paranoid. On my stationary bike I have a rear-view mirror. -Richard Lewis (on Attitude) 16. In some cultures they don't name their babies right away. They wait and see how the child develops, like it Dances with Wolves. Unfortunately, our kids' names would be less romantic and poetic. "This is my oldest boy, Falls Off His Tricycle, his friend Dribbles His Juice, and my beautiful daughter, Allergic to Nuts." -Paul Reiser (on Baby) 17. I prefer balding men. Why would you want to run your hands through a man's hair when you could shove your fist right into his skull? -Stephanie Hodge (on Bald) 18. I went into the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asks, "What'll you have?" I said, "Surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife. -Rodney Dangerfield (on Bars) 19. During the summer I like to go to the beach and make sand castles out of cement. And wait for kids to run by and try to kick them over. -James Leemer (on Beaches) 20. I don't understand camping. Maybe it's because I'm from New York, where we call it homeless. I am not leaving my apartment to go lay outside. -Karen Williams (on Camping) More to come soon!

funniness: 8.56

rating: G

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Vasiliy O.

I'm Guessing not!

funniness: 8.46

rating: PG-13

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John S.

funniness: 9.21

rating: PG

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Jay88 M.

PS for the dumb: its stone

funniness: 8.07

rating: G

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Moe R.

Blonde Jokes CAR TROUBLE A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What's the story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor" She asks, "How often do I have to do that?" SPEEDING TICKET A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license. She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!" RIVER WALK There's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to a river and sees another blonde on the opposite bank. "Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the other side?" The second blonde looks up the river then down the river and shouts back, "You ARE on the other side." AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor's office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it. "Impossible!" says the doctor. "Show me." The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left shoulder and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed even more. She pushed her knee and screamed; likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream. The doctor said, "You're not really a redhead, are you? "Well, no" she said, "I'm actually a blonde." "I thought so," the doctor said. "Your finger is broken." KNITTING A highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astounded to see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting! Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lights and siren, the trooper cranked down his window, turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!" "NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!" BLONDE ON THE SUN A Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talking one day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" The American said, "We were the first on the moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We're going to be the first on the sun!" The Russian and the American looked at each other and shook their heads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot! You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which the Blonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know. We're going at night!" IN A VACUUM A blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. It was her turn. She rolled the dice and she landed on Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you are in a vacuum and someone calls your name, can you hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked, "Is it on or off?" FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES! A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said, "W hoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!"

funniness: 8.88

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 8.73

rating: G

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Moe R.

funniness: 9.79

rating: G

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abc d.

Oh no!!! Not the MILF camps!!!!!

funniness: 8.96

rating: PG-13

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pvlk k.

You can tell what that baby's gonna be when it grows up

funniness: 9.37

rating: PG

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miguel c.

Thanks for the tpis!

funniness: 8.00

rating: PG

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