Emily F.

There was once this little seven year old kid. One day, he saw his father cooking a turkey. Then the dad drops it on the floor and shouts 'Fuck!'. The little boy asks him what that means. Thinking quickly, the father says that it's a fancy word for 'cook'. A couple of days later, he walks in on his parents getting ready to make love. The mother asks the dad if he remembered to go to the store to get some condoms. Being a curious little boy, he asks what condoms are. The dad thinks quickly and says that 'condom' is a fancy word for 'coats'. A few days after that, his parents are arguing. His dad calls him mom a bitch and his mom calls his dad a bastard. Again, he asks what those words mean. His mother says that 'bitch' is a fancy word for 'ladies', while 'bastard' is a fancy word for 'gentlemen'. Couple of days later, the boy is watching his mother put on mascara. She accidently stabs herself in the eye and shouts 'Shit!'. The boy asks what that means, and she says that it's a fancy word for 'make-up.' About a week later, the boy's parents are having some sort of big, fancy party at their house. They told the boy to answer the door for them. This is what he said to each and every person as they walked in the door: "Welcome bitches and bastards, please hang your condoms on the coat rack, and wait while mother puts the shit on her face and daddy fucks the turkey."

funniness: 4.60

rating: PG-13