scott s.

5. Customer : "I've been ringing 0800 2100 and i cant get through to your customer enquiries, cam you help?" Operator : "Where did you get that number from sir?" Customer : "It was on the door of the travel centre" Operator : "Sir, they are our opening hours" ********************************************************** 4. Caller : "Can you give me the number for Jack?" Operator : "I'm sorry Sir, I don't understand who you are talking about" Caller : "On page 1, section 5 of the user guide it clearly states that i need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone Jack before cleaning. Now can you give me the number for Jack please?" Operator : "I think you mean the telephone point in the wall" ************************************************ 3. Caller : "Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me while I am in Australia?" Operator : "Does the name not give you a clue, Sir?" ************************************************ 2. Tech Support : "OK. In the bottom left hand side of the screen, can you see the 'OK' button displayed?" Customer : "Wow. How can you see my screen from there?" *********************************************** 1. This bloke should have got promotion not fired!! Operator : "Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?" Caller : "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect." Operator : "What sort of trouble??" Caller : "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away." Operator : "Went away?" Caller : "They disappeared." Operator : "Hmm So what does your screen look like now?" Caller : "Nothing." Operator : "Nothing??" Caller : "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type." Operator : "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out??" Caller : "How do I tell?" Operator : "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen??" Caller : "What's a sea-prompt?" Operator : "Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?" Caller : "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type." Operator : "Does your monitor have a power indicator??" Caller : "What's a monitor?" Operator : "It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV. Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on??" Caller : "I don't know." Operator : "Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??" Caller : "Yes, I think so." Operator : "Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's plugged into the wall. Caller : "Yes, it is." Operator : "When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one??" Caller : "No." Operator : "Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and find the other cable." Caller : "Okay, here it is." Operator : "Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into the back of your computer." Caller : "I can't reach." Operator : "Uh huh. Well, can you see if it is??" Caller : "No." Operator : "Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean way over??" Caller : "Oh, it's not because I don't have the right angle - it's because it's dark." Operator : "Dark??" Caller : "Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is coming in from the window." Operator : "Well, turn on the office light then." Caller : "I can't." Operator : "No? Why not??" Caller : "Because there's a power failure." Operator : "A power......... A power failure? Aha, Okay, we've got it licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and packing stuff your computer came in??" Caller : "Well, yes, I keep them in the closet." Operator : "Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to the store you bought it from." Caller : "Really? Is it that bad?" Operator : "Yes, I'm afraid it is." Caller : "Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them??" Operator : "Tell them you're too f---ing stupid to own a computer!!!!!"